Which shall we discuss first – the second season winner on NBC's The Voice or the double elimination on Dancing with the Stars?
Why don't we follow Carson Daly's lead? The announcer on The Voice assured us before every commercial on the two-hour program that we were "minutes away" from finding out the winner and – bonus—a special performance by Justin Bieber of his new single.
Then when there were about seven minutes left in the show, Daly informed us we were "literally minutes away". So now you know. Until the word "literally" is uttered (shades of Rob Lowe on Parks and Recreation!) feel free to check out the hockey game because ain't nothing going to happen on The Voice.
Well, except we did get a little taste of Philly soul as Jermaine Paul, Chris Mann and Tony Lucca backed up Hall & Oates on "Rich Girl".
Over on Dancing with the Stars, it was time to drop two. The surprise came right away as Roshon Fegan was dismissed despite the fact that he was along with partner Chelsie Hightower perched in second place (out of six) on the leaderboard.
You know we're getting to the end of the season on the reality competitions because they're all inserting comedy bits. At least DWTS's was funny with Kenny Mayne returning to host DanceCenter with Jerry Rice and Len Goodman, during which they broke down all the competitors. Here are both the DanceCenter segments.
The Voice had Saturday Night Live's Kenan Thompson doing Cee Lo talking to cats. It wouldn't have been funny even if Thompson wasn't the worst impersonator in the universe.
After a rather pro forma tribute to Dick Clark and a performance by Chris Brown, Melissa Gilbert was shown the door. About time! Little Laura somehow managed to get in one last guilty tug at your heart even in defeat. It was her birthday! How could you have let her down?
An hour later – literally – on The Voice, after the Biebs showcased his crestadour, the finalists were lined up for the firing squad. It's cool that they give all the results from last to first. Really builds the suspense. And embarrasses the hell out of Chris Mann. His consolation was to get hugged by a scary lady named Christina in a too tight spangly pair of Spanx.
It came down to Juliet Simms and Jermaine Paul. The winner? Jermaine!
I swear if Carson had said "You're not a backup singer anymore" one more time I was going to use my parental control on him. Now I'd like to see Donald Driver win Dancing with the Stars. He and Jermaine could go out on tour together. What a song and dance tandem they would make.