Brief recap: At the end of Monday's competition, which judge Len Goodman called "the best semifinal ever", Maria Menounos and her partner Derek Hough sat atop the leaderboard with a near perfect 59 points. They were trailed by William Levy and Cheryl Burke, Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd and in last place Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas.
It's important to remember that order because on Tuesday night's results show which set up next week's finals, that hierarchy got stood on its head.
The first order of business, Katherine and Mark were declared safely in the finals, this despite the fact that she had crumpled to the floor during their second dance when her back gave out. Theories?
Then one of the stranger moments in a bizarre night: a spectacularly out-of-place Alanis Morissette performed her almost undanceable new single.
More crazy results: Maria and Derek are declared in jeopardy. What the…?
Then the circus came to town. Former DWTS hoofer and Derek's sister, Julianne Hough returned to give us all a taste of the upcoming movie Rock of Ages with co-star Diego Boneta and for some inexplicable reason Mary J. Blige. It looked dreadful, like an '80s hair metal version of Cats. Here, you be the judge.
Then Carrie Underwood performed. I told you it was a strange night.
And at last it was time for the big reveal. William and Cheryl: safe. Donald and Peta: in jeopardy. (Hey DWTS, as long as you're featuring totally random musicians, why not bring on classic rocker Greg "In Jeopardy" Kihn next week?) Just so you know, Donald, your problem on Monday wasn't your dancing. It was bringing along Aaron Rodgers. That guy is a total jinx.
And the loser is: Maria? That's just crazy, folks. I'm certainly not a fan of hers (and I am a virulent hater of her show Extra) but merit has to count for something, doesn't it? Sorry, I haven't had my coffee yet. Sexy will of course carry the contest. Hola!