Obituaries don't typically read like SNL sketches, but the piece dedicated to the late Antonia Larroux is Onion-esque high comedy. The Mississippi woman had a paid obituary run in The New York Times on Saturday and Sunday. It had these wonderful gems to offer:
"Waffle House lost a loyal customer on April 30, 2013."
"Antonia W. "Toni" Larroux died after a battle with multiple illnesses: lupus, rickets, scurvy, kidney disease and feline leukemia."
"She had previously conquered polio as a child contributing to her unusually petite ankles and the nickname "polio legs" given to her by her ex-husband, Jean F. Larroux, Jr."
"Due to multiple, anonymous Mother's Day cards which arrived each May, the children suspect there were other siblings but that has never been verified."
"Her favorite child, Jean III, eloped in college and married Kim Fulford who dearly loved Toni."
"Her last words were, 'tell them that the check is in the mail…'"
"Her favorite activity was sipping hot tea on her back porch with friends seated around her porch ensemble from Dollar General (again, not kidding.)"
"This will be sold to the highest bidder at her garage 'estate' sale."
Check out the rest of hilarious obituary over at Legacy.com.