I'm obsessed with having sex. I can't stop. Ever since I was 8, I've been having sex, and now I'm 18. I have a boyfriend I've been dating since I was 8, and we can't stop having sex. I want to stop, but he doesn't want to. I keep on doing it because he says if I don't, he'll leave me. Please help. What do I do?
- Obsessed in Miami
DEAR OBSESSED: There are worse things than losing a boyfriend who threatens to dump you if you don't have sex with him. Chief among them is having sex with someone because you have been coerced. Because you feel you are "obsessed," you may have what is called a sex addiction.
Licensed psychotherapists treat people with sexual compulsive disorders, and self-help groups help individuals suffering because they can't control their sexual behavior. A 12-step program that has been mentioned before in my column is Sexaholics Anonymous, which originated in 1979 and is based on the same principles as Alcoholics Anonymous. Its website is sa.org. Visit it to find a local meeting.
Within the last year, I met an amazing man who is head over heels for me. We were married five months later, partly because he was deploying. I had always dated "bad" boys with commitment issues, but now I have a wonderful husband.
Everything happened so fast. I'm now having to put the career I worked very hard for on hold. I love him very much, don't get me wrong, but all the drastic changes have me feeling confused and scared. I feel we may have rushed into marriage too soon. Regardless, this is where we are now. Any insight?
- Newlywed in Utah
DEAR NEWLYWED: To be honest, most people feel a degree of fear and confusion when they find themselves in unfamiliar territory. On the plus side, you have married a winner after a series of dating turkeys.
Because your husband is deployed, you now have a chance to start evaluating various ways to apply your talents and experience with an eye toward restarting your career or finding a new one. If your husband intends to make a career of the military, research jobs you can do regardless of where he may be posted.
My husband has ongoing relationships with two of his exes' daughters. One girl's mother is deceased, and he has been divorced from the other for more than 20 years. He allows them to call him "Dad" even though they are adults and he has been married three times over.
I don't understand why he has allowed this to go on, but he blows me off when I bring it up. Am I being petty for having concerns, or should I just let them be?
- Concerned Spouse