My friends and neighbors thought I had the best husband, and our children thought he was the greatest dad. But on the day he died, I found out he had been having sex with another woman.
I went to visit him in the hospital and overheard the whole thing as he was talking to her. Abby, she was a prostitute. I knew money had been disappearing, but I never imagined anything like this.
Should I go on pretending to my adult children, or tell them the truth? They thought he was the best father in the whole world.
Even though this happened more than five years ago, I continue to have nightmares over it. - Still Hurting in Boston
DEAR HURTING: I see nothing positive to be gained by shattering your children's image of their father at this point.
I'm sorry he failed you as a husband. However, for you to spend more of your life nursing hurt and disappointment is a waste of your precious time.
Talk to your religious adviser or confide in a therapist. But do not bring this up with your children.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 76-year-old father of three sons and grandfather of five. The other night, I was dining out with my brother, one of my sons, his 31-year-old wife, and their two children, ages 5 and 2.
The server was standing next to me and the 5-year-old, poised to take our orders. My daughter-in-law was distracted by the 2-year-old, so I placed my order so the server would not be kept standing there.
My son chastised me for not waiting until his wife placed her order first. Embarrassed, I offered an apology.
Was I wrong not to wait for my daughter-in-law to place her order? What would have been the proper thing to do?
- Embarrassed in Garfield, N.J.
DEAR EMBARRASSED: Frankly, the "proper thing to do" in this case would have been for your son to save his criticism until he could talk to you privately, rather than embarrassing you in a public place.
Ordinarily, the rule of thumb "ladies first" would apply when giving the dinner order. However, because your daughter-in-law was distracted, speaking up and telling the server what you wanted makes sense to me.
DEAR ABBY: The company where I work posted an ad online and at our state unemployment job board for a position that needed to be filled.
The ad detailed simple but specific instructions that included asking applicants to write a cover letter to address certain questions. It also said - in large letters: "YOU MUST FOLLOW THESE DIRECTIONS OR YOU WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED FOR EMPLOYMENT."
Of the 133 résumés we received, 76 did not contain the information that was requested. These applications were moved to an "Incomplete" file and not considered for hire. What's sad is that judging by their résumés alone, several of these applicants had the qualifications we were looking for.
With unemployment being what it is, I was surprised that the majority of the applicants did not comply with the simple instructions. Please advise your unemployed readers that a job is out there for them, but they must follow instructions.
- Trying to Help, Tumwater, Wash.
DEAR TRYING TO HELP: Consider it done.