WE HATE the thought of you starting your day by conjuring a cringeworthy image, but, hey, we here at Tattle Central are sworn to deliver all the news that celebrity bottom-feeders churn up. And this one's a doozy:

In the latest issue of GQ magazine, hot comic (and we mean that in multiple ways) Amy Schumer swears that 88-year-old showbiz immortal Jerry Lewis tried to use physical force (!) to get her on her back.

It happened, said Schumer, who works in sex jokes the way Monet worked in pastels, last year at an event at the Friars Club, the venerable Manhattan showbiz hangout where mostly aging comedians overpay for mediocre food.

Schumer was sharing a bill with Lewis and others, including Sarah Silverman. According to the Comedy Central star, Lewis "came up, and we hugged each other, and then he started pushing me back, trying to lay me down on the stage. So I buckled down and used my knees to stay in place, and he was in my ear saying, 'Lay down.' I whispered, 'No,' in his ear. Even after I said 'no,' he was still trying. I had to use my core to stay up - he's a strong mother----er."

Lewis finally relented. In her typically erudite way, Schumer summed up the incident thusly: "I'm not going to be the girl who gets f---ed after her set. Sorry, Jerry Lewis."

Healthy sweet home

The rich aren't only different from us, they live differently. Case in point: actor Leonardo DiCaprio, who, report the New York Post's Page Six gossipistas, will settle into $10 million digs in New York's Greenwich Village.

The two-bedroom, 2 1/2-bath fourth-floor apartment/bachelor pad is in a building developed by Delos, pioneer of "Wellness Real Estate."

It includes such amenities as vitamin C-infused showers, purified air and water, a circulated aromatherapy air supply, posture-supportive heat reflexology flooring and "dawn simulation" provided by a circadian lighting design.

In addition, fashion queen Donna Karan's Urban Zen is providing a "wellness concierge to curate and coordinate [Leo's] daily wellness experience."

Shariah and Shariah alike

Hell hath no fury like liberal celebs with a cause.

Ellen DeGeneres and Sharon Osbourne are among the Boldface Names who have publicly announced that they are boycotting the famed Beverly Hilton Hotel in El Lay because its current owner, Hassanal Bolkiah, whose day job is Sultan of Brunei, recently introduced Shariah in his homeland.

The strict Islamic penal code mandates penalties - among them flogging, the severing of limbs and death by stoning - for such transgressions as adultery and homosexuality.

What's more, the hotel once owned by entertainer/TV titan/hospitality mogul Merv Griffin (whose homosexuality was apparently one of Hollyweird's worst-kept secrets) is losing business by the bucketful.

Among upcoming events that have been withdrawn from the hotel are a multiple-sclerosis fundraiser hosted by zillionairess Nancy Davis (daughter of the late oil-and-movie tycoon Marvin Davis) and the annual Women in Entertainment bash sponsored by the Hollywood Reporter.

TATTBITS

* Tongues are wagging over photos posted on MediaTakeOut.com of Willow Smith, 13-year-old daughter of West Philadelphia born-and-bred Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett, and 20-year-old Moises Arias ("Hannah Montana"). The problem? Seven-years-older Arias has his shirt off in the pic, taken while the two posed on a bed.

* Congrats to Temple U alum Steve Capus who, on July 7, will assume the titles of executive producer/executive editor of the "CBS Evening News." The Bryn Mawr native spent eight years exec producing NBC's nightly newscast.

* All is well on the romance front for Johnny Weir. TMZ says Chester County's gift to ice skating and his husband, Victor Voronov, have done the kiss-and-make-up thing, thus sending their divorce proceedings to the ash heap of history.

- Daily News wire services

contributed to this report.

Howard Gensler has the day off

Phone: 215-313-3134

On Twitter: @chuckdarrow

Blog: philly.com/Casinotes