WITH THE OLYMPIC closing ceremonies only a couple days away and most athletes done with their events and allowed to stray from strict training regimens, here's a special episode of SatTatt from the Olympic Village (well, in spirit).
Beginning with the 1992 Barcelona Olympics, the host country has traditionally (and thoughtfully) supplied the thousands of hard-bodied young athletes with thousands of condoms. In Sydney, the number was 70,000 condoms, and they ran out. Again: The athletes in Sydney used 70,000 condoms in two weeks - and had to fly in 20,000 more.
Beijing played it safer, so to speak, starting with an initial supply of 100,000. But what does that even mean? It's time for another SatTatt pop quiz!
Pop Quiz: China supplied the Olympic Village with 100,000 condoms. There are 16,500 athletes living in the Olympic Village. The Beijing Olympics are 17 days long. Assume for simplicity's sake that there are two Olympians involved in each condom use and that an average of 1.5 condoms are used per sexual encounter.
Q: If you are an athlete competing in the 2008 Olympics, approximately how frequently did the Chinese government think that you would get laid?
A. Twice a day
B. Once a day
C. Once every two days
D. Once every three days
E. Like, a million times a day
Looking at it logically, you can eliminate option E from the get-go. Not even Genghis Khan got laid a million times a day, and he fathered half of Europe if you believe Oxford geneticists.
So 100,000 divided by 16,500 athletes makes about six condoms per athlete. But it's not that easy! Two people share one condom, so put that up to 12 estimated sexual acts per athlete. If 1.5 condoms are used on average during a hook-up, that would take the number down to eight separate occurrences over the course of 17 days, which would mean that the Chinese government predicted that Olympic athletes would get laid . . .
C. Once every two days
See, math is fun! And even Olympic athletes don't get lucky every night.
SAT headhunters, SATTatt is always available to write questions just as awesome as this one.
Gold medalists get extra
Michael Phelps, one of our few of-age Olympians identifiable by the average American, is the subject of one of the only tidbits to leak from the Olympic Village: He was reportedly seen publicly making out with another gold-medal swimmer sponsored by Speedo, Stephanie Rice of Australia.
In semi-related news, Phelps just reportedly got a million-dollar advance from Simon & Schuster for "Built to Succeed," due out in December, in which he will write about his training for the 2008 games, although the title sort of makes it sound as if he'll write about how he's a Terminator-style robot.
Meanwhile, back in Baltimore
Felicia "Snoop" Pearson, who was terrifying as a gang assassin on "The Wire," was charged with drug possession Wednesday after police sent to arrest her for refusing to cooperate in a murder trial, found small amounts of marijuana in her bedroom.*