Dishing the dirt on Kobe Bryant

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Fox, Ashley; Salisbury, James T.
Subject: Kobe vs. the maid

Kobe Bryant is a busy man these days. He's currently involved in two fights - one with the Magic for the NBA championship, the other with his former maid. If history has taught us anything, it's that two simultaneous wars are never a good idea.

According to TMZ - Ashley, you love starting off the day with this stuff, don't you? - the former housekeeper filed a lawsuit essentially asking the court for permission to tell all the Bryants' secrets to the media. She signed a confidentiality agreement, but she doesn't want to stick to it because she says Mrs. Bryant was mean to her and made her do things she didn't want to do - like digging through dog poo. Why Mrs. Bryant would ask her to do that remains a mystery.

Are you interested in hearing the former maid tell all? And remember: Talkin' also has a confidentiality agreement. If/when your services are no longer needed, you'll be sworn to secrecy about Ford's peccadilloes and Cohen's backroom meetings.

From: Salisbury, James T.
To: Fox, Ashley; Gonzalez, John
Subject: Kobe vs. the maid

Always best to use a hose, like Owen Wilson in Marley and Me, when digging through doggie poo.

From: Gonzalez, John
To: Fox, Ashley; Salisbury, James T.
Subject: Kobe vs. the maid

This will likely shock you and Ashley, but I'm not a fan of bathroom humor, and I could do without tales of the maid's dog-dirt escapades. But I wouldn't mind hearing the rest of what she has to say about the Bryants. Maybe they're involved in weird rituals and sacrifice small animals to strange gods. You never know with these celebrities. That's the kind of info we all need. You can't be too careful these days.

From: Salisbury, James T.
To: Fox, Ashley; Gonzalez, John
Subject: Kobe vs. the maid

I care more about my compost pile than some hoopster's personal business.

From: Gonzalez, John
To: Fox, Ashley; Salisbury, James T.
Subject: Kobe vs. the maid

You'll change your tune next time the Lakers are in town, and your dog suddenly disappears.

From: Fox, Ashley
To: Gonzalez, John; Salisbury, James T.
Subject: Kobe vs. the maid

Doesn't everybody have their maid sign a confidentiality agreement? I'm not a huge fan of the Bryants, but if Kobe's maid can break her agreement, what does that mean for the rest of us? I shudder to think. I'd like to hear Ms. Sotomayor's opinion on this one.

From: Gonzalez, John
To: Fox, Ashley; Salisbury, James T.
Subject: Kobe vs. the maid

My car is in the shop, Ashley. Can you send your driver to pick me up?