From: Gonzalez, John

To: Ford, Bob; Fox, Ashley

Subject: Heisman hype

The Heisman Trophy ceremony is tomorrow in New York. I had totally forgotten until I read a story online this morning. The finalists include Tim Tebow, Colt McCoy, Mark Ingram, Toby Gerhart and Ndamukong Suh. (If you know who the last two are without looking them up, you get extra credit.)

I used to look forward to the Heisman presentation back when Desmond Howard and Ty Detmer and those guys were winning it. It felt like such a huge national event, but I'm not sure that's the case any longer.

From: Fox, Ashley

To: Ford, Bob; Gonzalez, John

Subject: Heisman hype

It's a big deal to the guys who win it, sure. But I'm with you, Gonz - amazing, I know - I don't think the Heisman carries the cachet it used to. I haven't attended or watched the festivities in years.

And am I the only person in the universe who doesn't dig Tim Tebow?

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Ford, Bob; Fox, Ashley

Subject: Heisman hype  

Are you not feeling well? Agreeing with me is usually a sure sign you're sick.

Tebow doesn't do it for me. Anyone who gets fawned over as much as he does generally makes me recoil. It's why I have a beef with the two of you. Your collective popularity rankles.

From: Ford, Bob

To: Fox, Ashley; Gonzalez, John

Subject: Heisman hype

Let me clear my throat and say this on the record: The Heisman Trophy is the most fraudulent award given in sports and that includes the Lady Byng Trophy. The voting process is ridiculous. There are thousands of votes out there, mailed to every 5,000-watt radio station and community weekly across the great length and breadth of our wonderful land. There is no process at all, there are no safeguards. It's a huge pig orgy and, because there is also no accountability, I'm not entirely sure it's on the level. Other that all that, damn fine award.

About Tebow: For the next Eagles game, I'm going to apply stick-on eyeblack with the message: Bear 4:12. Wherein it is written, "Never go to Milwaukee without a proper coat."

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Ford, Bob; Fox, Ashley

Subject: Heisman hype  

Re: "Let me clear my throat." . . . that was so very DJ Kool of you, Robert. Who knew that "y'all want to party like we do?"

From: Ford, Bob

To: Fox, Ashley; Gonzalez, John

Subject: Heisman hype

I'm going to party upside your head.

From: Fox, Ashley

To: Ford, Bob; Gonzalez, John

Subject: Heisman hype

You guys need to separate. For a while. Like forever.