New Kardashians — Kendall and Kylie — take on the free world

More members of the Kardashian Horde have exited the nest to begin feasting on the culture. USA Today says Kardashian matriarch Kris Jenner's youngest daughters, Kendall, 16, and Kylie, 14, are joining Kim, Kris, and Khloé's deadly takeover of the kollective konsciousness. The teens have landed jobs as, um, journalists. They've been named West Coast fashion contributors to Seventeen mag. "Kendall & Kylie's Fashion Journal" debuts in the June/July issue and features the latest fashion and beauty tips, the mag says. Does this mean they'll actually have to compose, like, actual sentences?

Kardashian clan hits pay dirt …

Speaking of the Ks, TMZ says E! Entertainment has re-signed the clan's Keeping Up With the Kardashians for three more seasons for the whopping sum of $40 million. That's $40 mil before the endorsement deals and marketing spin-offs each K bags because of the show.

Baby dreams of the rich 'n' famous

"I just woke up from a dream that I wore a leopard caftan in the hospital," tweets Jessica Simpson, whose baby with Eric Johnson is overdue. "Fabulous! Now I need to find one!" … The wee bairn cooking in Drew Barrymore is a girl, Life & Style Weekly claims, citing Unnamed Insider. Drew and fiance Will Kopelman last weekend held a combined baby-wedding shower. … Telegenic couple Giuliana Rancic and Bill Rancic, 40, who tried unsuccessfully for years to get pregnant, say they're expecting a baby by surrogate. "She is giving us the greatest gift we're ever getting in our lives," Giuliana, 37, tells People.

Tidbits 'n' pieces

The Poughkeepsie Journal says Levon Helm's family has invited fans and friends of the drummer for the Band, who died April 19 of throat cancer, to an informal memorial at his home and recording studio in Woodstock, N.Y., on Thursday. Just don't park your car at the house, a note says on Levonhelm.com. … Howard Johnson has apologized to fictional Mad Men character Don Draper, who got mad on Sunday's episode when the heated pool at the hotel was closed. Anyone named Don Draper will get a free stay, they add. … Justin Bieber has written a song about Mariah Yeater, the California woman who falsely claimed he fathered a child with her. Is the song not like a child and they not its parents? … Sinéad O'Connor has canceled her tour, she says on her website, because she is "very unwell due to bipolar disorder." … Model and former porn star Nick Gruber, 22, described by TMZ as designer "Calvin Klein's special male friend," was arrested Tuesday in New York, suspected of cocaine possession and assault.

Rosie: Lindsay Lohan as Liz Taylor?!

Prominent Kulturkritik Rosie O'Donnell told Matt Lauer Tuesday on Today that Lifetime has made a mistake casting ex-con Lindsay Lohan to play that most majestic of classic Hollywood divas, Elizabeth Taylor, in a new biopic. "I feel very sorry for her. I think she needs a lot of help," said Rosie. "The last thing she did good, she was 16," said Rosie, who doubts LiLo's talents as an adult actor. Anna Quindlen to speak in Philly

One True Thing author Anna Quindlen will deliver the keynote address at Planned Parenthood Southeastern Pennsylvania's 16th Annual Spring Gathering Wednesday at Loews Hotel in Center City. Info: www.ppsp.org.

This article contains information from Inquirer wire services and websites. Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com.