DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl who recently had sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time for both of us. A week and a half later, we had a big fight. Another problem is, I am having a lot of feelings for his best friend, and he has feelings for me, too. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because I love him and don't want to lose him. I also don't want to ruin his friendship with the other guy.
My boyfriend wants to have sex again, but I don't. I wish I could take it back. What can I do?
- Lost and Confused
DEAR LOST AND CONFUSED: Because you had sex once does not mean you are compelled to do it again. Feeling as you do about the best friend is a strong sign that as much as you care for your boyfriend, you are not in love with him.
If you are being pressured to have sex, it's important for your sake that you tell your boyfriend you feel it happened too soon, you're sorry you did it, and you have decided to wait until you are older to start again.
I am also concerned because you didn't mention whether you both used birth control. There's a word for teens who have sex on the spur of the moment and don't use birth control: It's parents.
DEAR ABBY: My friend is a compulsive talker. I tolerate her behavior because she's a kind person, but she is oblivious to how much she dominates a conversation. Her personal and work relationships suffer because of it. It's hard for her to hold a job.
Is there anything I can do to help her, without seeming critical?
- Exhausted Listener in Hawaii
DEAR EXHAUSTED: I can only guess what drives her to talk compulsively. Some people do it because they feel the need to prove to others how smart they are. Others do it out of nervousness or insecurity because they are uncomfortable with silence.
Because her behavior has had a negative impact on her employability, it would be a kindness to suggest to her that she discuss it with a psychologist. That's not hurtful; it's helpful.