Q: My wife is a lying, cheat tramp. The last guy I caught her dealing with was 10 years younger than she is. They met online. Even though she's in the wrong, she's trying to get full custody of the kids and has emptied out our joint accounts like the gold digger she is. I'm writing because my family invited her to Thanksgiving, as if they didn't know what's been going on. When I saw her there, I got sick to my stomach. Eventually, I just left without saying goodbye to anybody. I called my parents later and told them how wrong they were for having her there. They said that she's still their daughter-in-law and that she will always be welcome, which means she'll probably be there on Christmas Day too! I wouldn't go but my kids will be there. How do I get through this?
Steve: You're on the fence. Your life lacks clarity. Either forgive her or divorce her, and that will settle things for you and your family.
Mia: You grit your teeth and you do what's right for your kids. You don't make a scene. You bring everyone lots of presents and grin. Then, when you can, you take the kids outside to try their new bicycles, or suggest a movie outing together.
Keep the focus on them at Christmas. Be cordial, but don't let your wife get into your head. It's not about her anymore. Remember that and you'll eventually be OK.
Q: This guy and I have been talking for about a year. He has two kids. I have one. We get along great and so do our kids. The problem's his baby(s) mama. She keeps blowing up his phone at all hours. He answers even if he and I are having sex, because he says he wants to know if anything is wrong with his kids. She texts him photos of her and the kids, too, all the time. I find this disrespectful. My friend says I'm wrong, but I don't think so. I think I'm just being honest about how I feel. We have a good thing going except for her. Am I wrong?
Mia: You're not wrong. No woman wants her honey's ex to call when you two are getting busy. But sweetie, what are you going to do? Make this an issue in your relationship and you might just lose. Still, no one wants to feel second.
There's no easy answer here. The mother of his children isn't going anywhere. There are going to be graduations, weddings, all kinds of things down the line. If you can't get used to this woman's constant presence, you might want to let him go.
Steve: Most people must understand this: When you begin a romance with a man or woman who has kids, your romance includes a bunch of other people. If you prefer one-on-one, never date anyone with kids.
Between them, Steve and Mia have logged more than a few decades in the single-and-dating world. They're also wise to the ways of married life. They don't always agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107 or firstname.lastname@example.org.