What are men to do now that Pat Burrell is coming back to town?
Hide your women.
At least that's the advice of a public service announcement — a spoof and decidedly adult one, at that — now making the rounds on the Internet.
Put together by Philadelphia's Bird Text comedy sketch group, the 3-minute video is timed to coincide with Burrell's return to Philadelphia on Saturday to retire as a Phillie.
Known as Pat the Bat for more than his slugging prowess, the video plays off his reputation as a ladies' man to evoke a sense of dread — for men at least — over the outfielder's brief return to the team for which he played nine seasons.
It shows one man after another, including a father and his son, lamenting how they lost their girlfriends and wives to Burrell as a karaoke version of Sarah McLachlan's In the Arms of an Angel - now transformed into In the Arms of Pat Burrell - plays mournfully in the background.
It ends with Some Hot Girl, as she calls herself, offering this advice:
"On May 19th, Pat Burrell returns to Philadelphia for 24 hours to retire as a Phillie. So if you have a wife, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, take her to the Zoo, take her shopping — take her to Delaware — just take her out of Philadelphia on May 19th."
"I had always heard stories about Pat Burrell," said John McKeever, the Bird Text comedian who conceived the project.
He said he had thought of doing the spoof for sometime, but the announcement last month of Burrell's intention to retire as a Phillie spurred him on.
McKeever said it took him, his Bird Text cohorts, some fellow comedians and model Erica Hoffmaster four days to shoot the video in different parts of the city.
So far it has been viewed more than 160,000 times on YouTube.
McKeever, who grew up in Northeast Philadelphia, wrote the script with Bird Texters Tommy Pope, Luke Cunningham and Darryl Charles
and their comic collaborator Chip Chantry.
He said the group (www.birdtext.com) does not make money off its videos — there were about 10 others before the The Return of Pat Burrell — but uses them to generate a attention. And laughs, of course.