A GOOD WOMAN is hard to find these days, at least in the field of politics and the media.
The choices are becoming increasingly limited with the proliferation of extremes, screams and drama queens.
I am a conservative on just about every issue imaginable, from abortion to same-sex marriage to the death penalty, although I might be considered a heretic on immigration because I long for comprehensive reform (and Herman Cain's electrified fence doesn't cut it, nor does Michele Bachmann's apparent willingness to act like the Pied Piper of Homeland Security and send those immigrant kids back).
It would be nice to see someone with the stature (if not necessarily the politics) of Eleanor Roosevelt in a position of authority. But there are few today who appear both sane and reasonable, and who know exactly how to deal with the partisans on either side with equal grace.
Take, for example, Sarah Palin. I still love the woman for her steely spined defense of the unborn, for her having more testosterone than simpering, second-rate authors like Joe McGinnis and for her unwillingness to be shamed into talking like a Stepford anchorwoman (you betcha!).
But the fact that she bailed out on her state with almost two years left in her term, that she engaged in a star-spangled detour that was designed to promote herself and Paul Revere, and that she actually said that Jerry Sandusky should be "hung from the highest tree" before he's been convicted of anything is, to say the least, depressing. Still, given her ideological opponents, I'd take 100 Sarahs to one pinch-faced Nancy Pelosi.
Our former House speaker is the liberal's Joan of Arc, constantly hearing voices about going to war against the British, er, Republicans. She never in her life had one moment when compromising with the evil conservatives was an option, and she had the gall to actually opine that the Catholic church sanctioned abortion. Not only that, but she called the tea partiers frauds (the "astro-turf" movement, as I recall), but had no problem courting the 99 percent who, by the way, had no idea that a mere one-eighth of her adjusted gross income could have kept the entire population of Zuccotti Park in pizzas and beer for a year.
And then there's Debbie Wasserman Schultz. As someone who strangles the logic out of every argument that she attempts to make, I suppose that it's not unusual that she has three names, like any other self-respecting assassin. Much like San Fran Nan, Daytona Debbie has the Pelosi flair for attacking conservatives, insulting African-American congressmen who don't spout the Marxist line and hating the tea party. In fact, when someone asked her why she demanded the right to protest outside the office of war hero Alan West but wanted to deny those same rights to tea partiers, here's what she had to say: "I don't see any swastikas or any pictures of the president in blackface or burned in effigy here. The difference between the way we express our First Amendment rights and the way I've seen tea-party extremists - Republican tea-party extremists - express their right is dramatically different."
Wasserman Schultz reminds me of another blonde who has a big mouth, although a significantly better intellectual pedigree: Ann Coulter. Miss Ann bothers me with her caustic attacks on everything to the left of Genghis Khan because I think that some of what she does is thinly veiled agitprop. However, unlike those who want to silence her by throwing pies in her face on college campuses or making rude comments about her Adam's apple (I don't see it), I actually like to hear her speak, even when I think that she lets her shtick obscure her message. But if she flips that Marcia Brady mane one more time to accentuate what I'm assuming is a legitimate political point, I swear I'm going to have to turn on MSNBC to watch . . . Rachel Maddow.
Which will kill me, because, you know, Maddow is the Lesbian With All the Answers, the supercilious Rhodes scholar who somehow thinks that because she's smart, anyone who doesn't agree with her is stupid. The only thing that commends her is the fact that, unlike 90 percent of the women on Fox, she doesn't look like Jessica Rabbit and doesn't kowtow to the male hosts like some sorority chick at the Orange Bowl. Because one look at Maddow and you know that she never set foot in a sorority house in her life.
And speaking of sororities, how about those Cain cuties? Who wants to bet that they'll end up as next season's slate on "The Biggest Loser," with Gloria Allred as team trainer, Gennifer Flowers singing the theme song and Rielle Hunter manning the camera.