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Freddie Mitchell dons safari hat for strange hunt

Surprise: Freddie Mitchell is back. Again. On his blog, he posted a video of himself titled "Freddie speaks to his fans and the haters." In the clip, the People's Champ explains that he's training in Florida for the coming NFL season and that he's talking to "a bunch of coaches" to help him get back in the league.

Reprinted from Sunday's early edition.

From: Gonzalez, John
To: Fox, Ashley; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: FredEx

Surprise: Freddie Mitchell is back. Again. On his blog, he posted a video of himself titled "Freddie speaks to his fans and the haters." In the clip, the People's Champ explains that he's training in Florida for the coming NFL season and that he's talking to "a bunch of coaches" to help him get back in the league.

Freddie goes on to say that "everyone is so surprised" that he's not in the league and adds that his unemployment is not because of his mouth but because of things that are not under his control. (Perhaps he's talking about a lack of God-given talent?)

You can watch the video here: http://freddie-mitchell.blogspot.com/ Careful. There's a strange, scary, super-duper close up of Freddie's face at the end.

Are either of you buying that Freddie is primed for an NFL comeback? And why won't he go away?

From: Sheridan, Phil
To: Fox, Ashley; Gonzalez, John
Subject: FredEx

Well, then. It's going to take a little while to get over watching that.

I really liked Freddie when he was here. He was me-first in that sort of charming way some guys manage to pull off, at least publicly. I am surprised he hasn't gotten at least a real shot somewhere else. There are certainly lesser players on NFL rosters right now. So I'm not one of these so-called "haters" he sees lurking behind every bush.

But that video is sad. He looks desperate, and that can't be the effect he's trying to have on NFL types. Mostly, I thought that video should be mandatory viewing for every player who starts to think he's indispensable to his team or to the game itself. Unless you're one of the truly elite players, this is where you wind up.

And, Gonz, you really whiffed in your setup. You failed to mention the little piece of guitar music that pops out of nowhere at the very end. "Love Theme From FredEx." Egad.

From: Gonzalez, John
To: Fox, Ashley; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: FredEx

The music was pretty great, and so was the "Freddie on Safari" hat he was wearing. I kept waiting for a lion or a tiger to appear and maul him.

I will give one or both of you my next paycheck (which should be enough to buy a jar of peanut butter, but probably not the jelly to go with it) if you purchase a hat like that and wear it to various sporting events for a month.

From: Fox, Ashley
To: Sheridan, Phil; Gonzalez, John
Subject: FredEx

It was pretty pathetic. Bad music. Bad camera work. Bad outfit. Bad lid. The man is 30 years old now. There's a reason he hasn't been in the league since 2004, and it's not because people are out to get him. If he was any good, he'd be on a team. It's that simple. Maybe he can get a job as T.O.'s personal valet, but he's not going to be able to get one back in the league. I'll wear one of those hats for a month and not take your paycheck if he does get back on the field for a regular-season game.

From: Sheridan, Phil
To: Fox, Ashley; Gonzalez, John
Subject: FredEx

This hat thing is patently unfair. Ashley could make that hat work, whereas I'd look like an extra from a high school production of Guys and Dolls. How do I know? Because I was once an extra in a high school production of Guys and Dolls.

From: Gonzalez, John
To: Fox, Ashley; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: FredEx

I'm calling you Harry the Horse from now on.