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Stan Hochman: A few special award-winning Eagles

THE PLAYERS voted unanimously to give Michael Vick the Ed Block Award for Courage (does that mean that Vick abstained), and the controversy raged, pro, and you should excuse the expression, con.

Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie earned the Houdini Award from Daily News columnist Stan Hochman.  (Sarah J. Glover/Staff file photo)
Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie earned the Houdini Award from Daily News columnist Stan Hochman. (Sarah J. Glover/Staff file photo)Read more

THE PLAYERS voted unanimously to give Michael Vick the Ed Block Award for Courage (does that mean that Vick abstained), and the controversy raged, pro, and you should excuse the expression, con.

Debate is healthy. Problem is, the noisy storm drowned out any reaction to some other "awards" the Eagles considered. The Daily News, as a public service, has ferreted out those mythical honors. Argue if you must.

The Houdini Award

Named for the legendary magician and his "now you see him, now you don't" persona. It goes to team owner Jeff Lurie, who was a passionate presence at the Vick signing announcement.

Lurie said he had to stifle his skepticism by sitting down with Vick, looking for "self-hatred" in the quarterback's eyes, contrition in his voice, sadness in his heart. Ran out of body parts, then raged like a prosecutor presenting his case to a jury, using words like "despicable" to describe Vick's actions. Said it would be a "terrible" signing if Vick was not "proactive" in the battle against dog fighting.

We now wait for a followup appearance and Lurie's rating of where the signing ranked on the "terrible" scale. Runner-up: Vick.

Echoes of November Award

A throwback award honoring Dick Allen's biggest recording hit. (OK, Allen's only recording hit.) Goes to Andy Reid for his redundant use of the line about "putting players in a better position." First prize is a weekend in Walla Walla, Wash. Second prize is two weekends in Walla Walla. No runner-up.

Superman's Cape Award

You don't spit into the wind, more about that later, and you don't antagonize the gods of football by tugging on Superman's cape. The Kryptonite hardware goes to team president Joe Banner, who said in preseason that the Eagles had the best roster in the league. Twenty minutes later, they lost linebacker Stewart Bradley to a season-ending knee injury. In practice. We're talking about practice here. Not a game. Practice. Previous winners included Lurie for his "gold standard" comments.

Tweety Bird Trophy

This award comes in the shape of a brass canary's cage and went unanimously to talented and mouthy DeSean Jackson. Jackson used his idle time getting ready for the playoff nightmare against Dallas by twittering clumsy messages about how he was gonna "sting they butt."

Jackson wound up more butterfly than bee in the back-to-back games against the Cowboys. If he "thought he saw a putty-cat" maybe he was looking in the canary cage mirror.

Award comes with a gift from Al Davis, an embroidered pillow with the message, "Just win, baby."

The Twins Award

Inspired by the movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, playing twin brothers. Also known as the "spitting image" award. Goes unanimously, and damply, to Eagles Webmaster Dave Spadaro, who filmed himself expectorating on the midfield star in the Cowboys' new stadium. Spadaro can use the video as an audition for a spot on the show about being smarter than a fourth-grader. Or a third-grader. If they remake the movie, Spadaro gets the DeVito part, or did you already know that?

Kool and the Gang Award

This one named in honor of the group's biggest hit, "Celebration." It goes to the group planning the celebration of the last Eagles championship, won by the 1960 team.

Move a game to Franklin Field? No chance. A parade to make up for the one they never got? Fuhgetaboutit. Right now, the plans call for Chuck Bednarik to sit on Jim Taylor for 18 seconds, stand up, and shout, "You can get up now, this bleeping game is over!" Negotiations are snagged on how many copies of Chuck's new book the Eagles will buy.

Previous winners include the empty golf bag Norman "Bottom Line" Braman gave to Mike Quick, and Ron Jaworski handing a football to Wilbert Montgomery while some schoolkids milled around to honor the 1980 squad.

The Vaseline Award

This slithery trophy goes to the worst tackler on the team and was won by Asante Samuel by a fingertip, which best exemplifies his tackling technique. The Pro Bowler promised to laugh all the way to Miami.

Samuel had previously won the Snake-eyes award for the defensive player who best personifies the gambling approach to pass defense. The award comes with a month's supply of Butterfinger candy bars.

The Alpo Award

Linebacker Chris Gocong was so deep in Andy Reid's doghouse, he was in a different area code. He saw daylight in the final game against Dallas and played doggedly. Runner-up: Joe Mays.

The Gucci Award

This one goes to the player or coach who manages to extract his foot from between his teeth. A runaway win for Donovan McNabb, who indicated that the team's youth was a factor in the final regular-season game loss to Dallas. He then spent the rest of the week backtracking, which was good preparation for the pressure he felt in the playoff game.

That's it. There was an "Old Man River Award" that Jeremiah Trotter threw to the floor and stomped despite his sparkling performance in the second meeting with Dallas. And a "Heart Grows Fonder Award" that may or may not be presented in absentia to Brian Dawkins.

The time is yours.

Send e-mail to stanrhoch@comcast.net