Each week, our favorite penguin, Zoo with Roy, writes a special piece for Philly.com. This week, ZWR catches up with the seven home runs the Phillies allowed during the team's 14-2 loss to the Indians on Tuesday night.

Where Are They Now? Catching Up With All Seven (Yes, SEVEN) of the Indians' April 30 Home Runs



Welp, if there’s any solace to take it’s in the knowledge that a 14-2 loss counts just the same as a 2-1 loss... and you were able to switch over to Deadliest Catch without any associated guilt. Also, we still don’t have to live in Cleveland!

Carlos Santana - first inning
Found embedded in the right side passenger window of an El Camino in a parking lot on E. 6th Street. Incredibly, the Ohio license plate read, "BLKMGC." Smooth.

Mark Reynolds - first inning
This ball actually landed in the end zone of FirstEnergy Stadium, and likely marks the only time a player from a Cleveland team will be visiting the location in 2013. (Sick burn! You suck, Banner!)

Lonnie Chisenhall - fourth inning
Chisenhall's bomb ricocheted off of the 14th Street Theatre and had enough force to roll all the way to the foot of the Sherwin Williams headquarters, where the giant LeBron James Witness banner used to hang. You remember that, right? They took the banner down because LeBron rather publicly left Cleveland (because it stinks). Nope, I'm not at all bitter these donkeys roughed up Roy Halladay, by the way.

Ryan Raburn - fifth inning
Ryan Raburn--Cleveland's eighth hitter--hit a ball so far off of Chad Durbin that Bob Uecker out of nowhere barged in the broadcast booth, grabbed the microphone and announced it, "had a stewardess on it." The politically incorrect statement would have landed most people in hot water with the FCC, but everyone loves Bob Uecker. The ball was later laid to rest at nearby St. Maron's.

Michael Brantley - fifth inning
This ball landed in the Woodland Cemetery, because he killed it. Also, in answer to your question, yes, it is really creepy to have a cemetery across the street from your stadium.

Ryan Raburn - seventh inning
Not content only to demoralize the Phillies with one moonshot, Raburn was back for more in the seventh. However by this time, most fans at the game and those watching on television had become so accustomed to scrubs from the Indians hitting tape measure blasts, no one bothered to really track its flight path. There were reports early this morning however that a cafeteria worker opening up at Cleveland State University found "what appeared to be a baseball" resting against a kitchen door.

Drew Stubbs - seventh inning
I actually turned the game off in the sixth inning. But seriously, Drew Stubbs hit a home run? You know what, this gag started off as good, clean schtick noir, but now I've had enough. You know what, I'm going to Starbucks. NOTE TO PHILLY.COM EDITORS: write something in here, I don't even care this game was really stupid.