EAGLES COACH Andy Reid said he will take full responsibility for the End of the World.
Injuries? (Cough, cough) Andrew Bynum needs another MRI. He might have inadvertently pulled a fast one. Everyone else is having panic attacks.
The apocalypse Friday should be a relief to Philly sports fans, who already believe their world ended innumerable times in proverbial sports angst. A bunch of Phillies fans met their Grim Reaper in 1964 and he surprisingly looked just like Gene Mauch.
If you can avoid those annoying we-told-you-so Mayans, pointing to the circled date on their calendars, the abyss might provide comfort.
No more news conferences where Reid tries to put his players in perfect positions. The after-lifers who are not in asbestos suits already will be in perfect positions.
No more shows hosted by Michael Barkann, once he finishes the End of the World in Sports preview. On the panel: Reaper and St. Peter. The house band? The Grateful Dead tribute quartet.
No change with the Flyers, although the NHL has canceled the January games.
The Sixers actually get better with Wilt back at center.
No more tough postgame meal decisions. Pat's? Geno's? Jim's? Lucifer, Prince of Darkness Steaks will be open.
No more swinging at first pitches. No more mentions of Santa and snowballs.
No more running up the Art Museum steps. The Rocky statue is even weary of that.
No more threatening to throw yourself off the Ben Franklin Bridge because your Philadelphia team is pathetic. Bridge is out; so are you.
No more Big 5. It's now the Big Zero.
In related news, Pete Rose finally gets in but declines because it's the Hell of Fame.
And in an odd twist, the blogs are saying Juan Castillo survives - and when have blogs ever been wrong?