- and reality TV is even worse. That's why
, the just-folks Scottish lady whose sweet voice rocketed her to world fame, is now in the hospital. Reality shows reward the talentless and humiliate the gifted. They make us love somebody and then heap that somebody with old squirrel bits, papaya rinds and fish wrappers. For as Ecclesiastes says, "The race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong." It sure wasn't on Saturday, when Boyle, 47, was beaten in the finals of
Britain's Got Talent
, a reality show on U.K. channel ITV. Who beat her? Some dance company called
, which polled 24.9 percent of voters at home to Boyle's 20.2 percent. On Sunday night, she was taken under police escort from a London hotel to a private clinic. A Scotland Yard spokespiece said that "police were called to doctors assessing a woman under the Mental Health Act." No word on her condition.
MTV Awards goes back-to-front
It's not your mama's music awards show! The
MTV Movie Awards
Sunday night had a lot going on. Most talked-about was
Sacha Baron Cohen
, who, attired as gay Austrian entertainment reporter
, swung in on a wire and landed with his, um, unprepossessing posterior in the face of rapper
, sitting nicely in his chair in the audience. Eminem stormed out. Meanwhile, there were also actual awards.
earned five Golden Popcorn Awards: best kiss (no, really), best fight (no, really), breakthrough performance (meaning what?) for
, and best female perf for
. She promptly showed her appreciation by dropping the statuette. Oh, yeah, and
won best movie. That made
the most-honored flick.
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
won awards for the artistic prowess of stars
won an award (no, we're serious) for the scene in which she uses a sink as a comfort station in
. (Well-deserved!) Other awards went to the late
(best villain as the Joker in
The Dark Knight
for best comic performance in
for best song, "The Climb," from
Hannah Montana: The Movie
Conan's big night
made his debut as
host last night, but he and NBC tamped down expectations, declining to let reporters see the show in advance of its East Coast airing. "I'm not going to cure cancer on the first show, and I'm not going to jump Snake River Canyon," he said. ". . . Sometimes people forget this is the first show of what I hope will be many, many, many shows."
, who made several memorable visits to O'Brien's previous gig,
, was to be the first guest of the new era, with
the musical act.
Jennifer Hudson is, too, preggers . . .
OK, we can say it now: Grammy/Oscar winner
, in the family way, expecting, gravid . . . she's gonna have a baby! We at "SideShow"
. Essence mag called it back in April. Along with the rest of the known world. But this week, Hudson confidante
blah-blah-blah'd to the Chicago Tribune all about it: JH is with child by her fiancé,
. (He is often given the odd descriptor of "former reality-show star hoping to become a pro wrestler." Anything in a recession, right?) A sweet, swell shower was showered for her in Chicago on Saturday. The child's gender is unknown, but evidently the couple has agreed on a wedding date, also not made public, although, you know, it might be within the next two months. We hear folks still do that.
. . . but Nicole isn't adopting
Australia's New Idea magazine got started this idea that
are planning to adopt a baby from Vietnam. That would have put her in a real race with
, who adopt from all over the place. Except it's all, like,
not true. Kidman is fine with having three offspring for now. Rep
told E! News that "the report is not true. We have no idea who started the rumor [Catherine, didn't you read the top of this item?], but it's fabricated."
No Depp is an island . . . except Johnny
Is there a God? Yes, and She has smiled on
, profiled in the July Vanity Fair. He strolls around his li'l 45-acre island in the Bahamas, named Little Hall's Pond Cay, and says things like "escapism is survival to me" and "I look forward to my kids growing up on the island . . . learning about sea life and how to protect sea life." Best of all, he tells us that "money doesn't buy you happiness. But it buys you a big enough yacht to sail right up to it." Well, yuh! Depp has even named some of the beaches on the island: one for his girlie-squeeze
, one each for children
, and one apiece for
Hunter S. Thompson
. There's also a body of water dubbed Heath's Place, for
Paris Hilton and the feminine mistake
says her unreality show,
My New BFF
, is, like, a truly super-feminist statement. "This season I made it like a sorority. It's about sisterhood," said the women's-rights campaigner, recording star, and person famous for being famous. Season 2, and it's amazing there even
a Season 2, premieres tonight on MTV. Does such philosophizing sound totally un-Paris? You
do not know me, the deep celeb deb tells E! Online: "In real life, I'm not that superficial." She says she wants to use the show to find her true soul sistah, "someone who's more interested in having fun and being real and being trustworthy." More interested than in what else? She doesn't say. Know what she just can
stand? Girls who want to be in the Entertainment Industry! (And she should know!) "I think that when someone wants that, they are just kind of using you to, like, make themselves have a career." Who'd want to be like that?
Pink coming to Philly
(or, if you like,
) is returning to her home haunts. The Doylestown-born warbler will be at the Wachovia Center on Saturday, Oct. 3. Yesterday, she announced her Funhouse Tour is coming to Philly as part of a U.S. leg. She's been having a whale of a world tour, selling out Australia, for example. This'll be her first U.S. tour since 2006. The Ting Tings will open. Tickets on sale Friday at noon at ComcastTIX (comcastTIX.com, 1-800-298-4200) or the Wachovia Complex Box Office.
Dots and dishes
Remember those photos of
on the beach without a shirt? Well,
Vice President Biden
was photographed at a New Jersey beach over the weekend and the effect was . . . well . . . not the same. He had his shirt off, but there the similarity ended.