Looking a Trojan horse in the mouth

To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil

From: McLane, Jeff

Subject: Carroll: Love him or hate him?

When Southern Cal coach Pete Carroll was introduced during Friday's Disneyland event, there was genuine love coming from the assembled throng of fans.

This guy is like Andy Reid out here. Oops, bad example. But you get my point.

I'm assuming it's not just the winning. He's affable, plays with the media, and has an aura that can't be denied. He's sort of like Joe Paterno, before "The Grouchy Years, 2000-2008."

Anyway, I think there's this perception back East that Carroll is some sort of seedy creep. He was featured in a

60 Minutes

profile a few weeks ago, and much of the segment was devoted to the work he does with Los Angeles gangs. I'm pretty sure he wasn't even recruiting.

So what are your impressions of the man, oh great, wise ones?

And since you fellas were out here for the Phillies' World Series run, could you give me a couple of good places to eat when I have, say, 10 minutes to stuff my face? I already know about In-N-Out Burger, which apparently got its name because of its rapid run through the digestive system. What else is out here? Or would I have had better luck asking eating-out expert Jim Cohen?

To: McLane Jeff; Sheridan, Phil

From: Ford, Bob

Subject: Carroll: Love him or hate him?

Well, when Sheridan and I were out there for the National League Championship Series, we ate only organic wheat sprouts and drank alfalfa milk. That way we weren't too filled up for Pilates. We did celebrate one night with free-range road tar and hydroponic dandelion tea, but that was out of the ordinary.

Pete Carroll looks as if he should have his own TV show, either a situation comedy with Diane Keaton as his wife and LL Cool J as his wacky next-door neighbor, or some drama like an updated

White Shadow

. I can see him helping people and imparting lasting life lessons for about an hour once a week.

By the way, how was Disneyland? Were you tall enough to get on all the rides?

To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil

From: McLane, Jeff

Subject: Carroll: Love him or hate him?

Bob, your pitch for a Pete Carroll vehicle reminds me of a line once delivered by Woody Allen: "In Los Angeles, they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows," or something like that.

I imagine Carroll eventually will find his way onto the boob tube, but probably as another former coach who has gone into broadcasting his lip-smacking of other coaches on the all-powerful ESPN.

Disneyland was wonderful. How could it not be? That is, unless, you despise all that is saccharine and fake.

To: McLane Jeff; Sheridan, Phil

From: Ford, Bob

Subject: Carroll: Love him or hate him?

Son, this country was built on all that Disneyland represents and I won't have you besmirching it. (Look it up. I forgot you went to Penn State.)

To: McLane, Jeff; Ford, Bob

From: Sheridan Phil

Subject: Carroll: Love him or hate him?

I always thought Carroll was kind of an intriguing figure because he flamed out so utterly in the NFL. There were mitigating factors - there always are - but the best he could have hoped for in the NFL would have been a gig breaking down videotape.

Then he goes to Southern Cal and becomes a football genius/golden god. Talk about a career rehab.

Ford is right. We barely had time for whey protein shakes between aromatherapy appointments. In Old Pasadena, though, we did hear tell of a place called Barney's Beanery - good food, wide beer selection and cool, young crowd.

If you're into that sort of thing.

To: McLane Jeff; Sheridan, Phil

From: Ford, Bob

Subject: Carroll: Love him or hate him?

I don't think a cool, young crowd is the right place for McLane.

To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil

From: McLane, Jeff

Subject: Carroll: Love him or hate him?

It's funny what L.A. will do to you. I just ran 26 miles, found this fabulous organic eatery, and devoured some acai berry and ground flaxseed. But thanks for the tip, Phil. Unfortunately, Ford is right, I'm not cool.

To: McLane, Jeff; Ford, Bob

From: Sheridan Phil

Subject: Carroll: Love him or hate him?

There's no better way to find out how cool you're not than going to L.A.