Philadelphia and Chicago are vying in the 2010 Stanley Cup Finals. That means we can expect the following sports-championship cliches to surface soon:

Food bets between politicians. Stories about team merchandise flying off shelves, phony tickets, fan fights, and monuments bedecked in team jerseys.

And, lest we forget, the snarky civic comparisons between the two cities.

To wit:

Musical genres. Jazz and the blues both took off when they hit Chicago, a sizable advantage nearly negated by the fact that Kanye West was born there. But, hey, Frankie Avalon, Fabian, and James Darren - all of whom had more hair than talent - got their start here.

Advantage: Chicago.

Fast food. No contest. With TastyKakes, cheesesteaks, hoagies, and scrapple, Philly is a cholesterol-clogging nirvana, a metropolitan delivery system for saturated fats. Chicago, on the other hand, has the misnamed deep-dish pizza, which should more accurately be called "lasagna with a crust." They also have hot dogs. Hot dogs? Keokuk, Iowa, has hot dogs. You'd expect more from a major city.

Advantage: Philly.

Funny-looking politicians: Chicago's got Blago. The best we can do is former Mayor Street's aircraft-carrier haircut.

Advantage: Chicago.

Corrupt politicians: Again, Chicago's got Blago. The best we can do is Vince Fumo.

Advantage: Chicago.

People we've got in common: Buddy Ryan, Mike Douglas, Donovan McNabb, Tina Fey.

Advantage: Philly.

Founders: So what if William Penn wore knickers? With a name like Jean Baptiste Pointe du Sable, Chicago's first citizen was either a snuff-sniffing, lacy-shirted wimp or a Blackhawks defenseman.

Advantage: Philly.

Disasters: The Great Chicago Fire of 1871 was started by a cow. The MOVE fire of 1985 was started by a mayor. Same difference.

Advantage: Even.

Nicknames: Got to go with the "City of Big Shoulders" over the "City of Big Backsides."

Advantage: Chicago.

Origin of city names: Philadelphia means "city of brotherly love" in Greek. Chicago, and we're not making this up, is the Native American word for "wild garlic." This helps explain Bill Murray's breath.

Advantage: Philly.

Gangsters: Al Capone, who lasted as long as he did because he never had dinner with Jerry Blavat, had some dealings in Philly but set up shop in Chicago. That city also had Bugsy Moran and Sam Giancana. John Dillinger was killed there. The best we can counter with is Little Nicky Scarfo and Allen Iverson's posse.

Advantage: Chicago.

Gangster nicknames: Capone was the iconic "Scarface." Philly's Phil Testa was "The Chicken Man."

Advantage: Chicago.

Legendary crimes: In "Atlantic City," Bruce Springsteen sings of how "they blew up the Chicken Man in Philly last night." Not bad. But no match for the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

Advantage: Chicago.

Fattest football coaches: The Eagles' Andy Reid is no slouch, but he's not in the same league as ex-Bears coach Abe Gibron. Gibron, as a former player once noted, was such an indiscriminate gourmand that he ate "things we wouldn't even go swimming with in Alabama."

Advantage: Chicago.

Colorful rivers: They have to dye the Chicago River green every St. Patrick's Day. The Schuylkill turns brown on its own.

Advantage: Philly.

Richest citizens: Comcast's Brian Roberts runs the nation's biggest cable company. Oprah Winfrey runs whenever she needs to drop 50 pounds, which means she ought to be ready for a marathon by now.

Advantage: Chicago.

Historic landmarks: While Philadelphia is filled with colonial-era buildings, the best Chicago can offer is a water tower that didn't burn down in 1871.

Advantage: Philly.

Skyscrapers: Chicago has few peers when it comes to high-rise architecture, both new and old. Philadelphia's Comcast Tower, meanwhile, looks like a thumb-drive searching for a really big computer.

Advantage: Chicago.

Populations in 1860: Chicago's was 4,000, Philadelphia's 565,000.

Advantage: Philly.

Populations in 1960: Philly's was 2.0 million, Chicago's 3.5 million.

Advantage: Chicago.

Comedy clubs: Chicago has Second City. We've got City Council.

Advantage: Philly.

Smelliest place: The stockyards in Chicago. The City Hall subway stop in Philly.

Advantage: Philly.

Basketball legends: First of all, Michael Jordan was a carpetbagger from North Carolina, not a real native like Wilt Chamberlain. Did Jordan ever average 50 points a game? Did Jordan ever score 100? Did Jordan ever bed 20,000 women? Then again, did Wilt ever bet $50,000 on a two-foot putt?

Advantage: Philly.

Best "Saturday Night Live" product: Upper Darby's Tina Fey can hold her own with any comic - except perhaps John Belushi.

Advantage: Chicago.

Soccer team names: The Fire and the Union. Both refer to things whose power has long since been extinguished.

Advantage: Even.

Best TV shows set there: Chicago had The Bob Newhart Show, Philly had American Bandstand.

Advantage: I'll give Philly an 85, Dick.

Contact staff writer Frank Fitzpatrick at 215-854-5068 or ffitzpatrick@phillynews.com.