DEAR ABBY: We have a mutual friend who’s very dear to us. He’s a kind-hearted and generous disabled vet who’s too proud to ask for help. Unfortunately, due to his ill health and physical limitations, his home is unkempt. He lives among piles of dusty trash, empty cartons, unfinished projects, dirty clothes and even animal messes. It smells very unpleasant, especially in the heat.
The last time I visited, I sat down in what I thought was a “safe” clear spot and came away smelling of cat urine. Despite our repeated offers, he declines our help to clean up. Unfortunately, it’s so bad that people no longer want to visit his home.
He recently volunteered to host a traditional holiday gathering for our group of friends, but if he does, I’m afraid no one will show. (I’m hesitant to eat anything prepared there anyway, and so are others.) We’ve discussed moving the event, but we’re afraid it would hurt his feelings, since he really enjoys hosting. Plus, what would we say?
Renting a small hall was our first thought, but he’s insistent and excited for the company. Your advice on how to approach this delicate situation would be appreciated.
— IN A TOUGH SPOT IN MICHIGAN
DEAR TOUGH SPOT: Your friend appears to be a hoarder. He may enjoy hosting and want company, but it isn’t going to happen if people are afraid to go to his home and consume anything because of the filth and the odor. The person closest to him has to explain to him that although you all love him, his party would be better attended if the celebration was held off-site. He needs to understand why others are staying away, and he may need physical and psychological help to improve his situation.
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DEAR ABBY: I’m a young gay man with a problem. I met a cute guy, “Mark,” with a sweet personality, and the sex has been awesome. We spent two consecutive nights together in a hotel, but two days later he went to church, and he’s now convinced that being gay is wrong. Mark still rubs my foot with his under the table while we eat and kisses me on the lips. He tells me he loves me very much, but now I’m getting mixed signals. At night on our dating app, Mark sends nudes of himself, even though he says gay sex is wrong. What should I do?
— MIXED SIGNALS IN GEORGIA
DEAR MIXED SIGNALS: Mark is conflicted about being gay because the church he attends made him feel guilty about it. Talk with him and suggest that you feel he could benefit from counseling to help him become more comfortable about who he is. There are three LGBTQ community centers located in Atlanta. If Mark is unwilling, please understand it could be a long journey for him toward self-acceptance. If you are not prepared to wait, you should move on.