DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I host regular meetings of a book club. It has been very successful; lots of people attend. We serve wonderful food and wine. Two attendees rarely miss this event, although they have never actually been invited. They come by default with their spouses, whom we did invite many years ago.
We are not fond of these two women because they are whiny and annoying. They go on and on about their ailments and life problems, and they rarely have anything insightful to say about the books we discuss.
My spouse and I wonder if they have ever read any book, much less one of the books we cover. We’re not sure if anyone else who attends feels the same way, but we do know that some of our friends have hung out with them. I often tell my spouse we need to drop them from the invitation list. She says we can’t because the other attendees will notice, and we’ll look like the bad guys.
Is my partner right? Is there any way to stop inviting them without looking mean? I’m worried we will be stuck hosting the pair forever into our old age.
— HATES THIS PLOT IN THE WEST
DEAR HATES THIS PLOT: You very well may wind up hosting those two pills in perpetuity, UNLESS at the next meeting, you establish some rules that should have been made clear from the beginning. In order to participate in these get-togethers, members of the group must have read the book under discussion and refrain from discussing other topics during the meetings. To do this is not unreasonable.
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DEAR ABBY: My mom and I recently got into an argument about her mortgage. I’m on the mortgage and title to her home because she couldn’t afford to be on it by herself and needed my income and credit to help her. So, I did. I helped her.
I am now married, and my husband would like to refinance our home. The problem is, I’m still on the mortgage to my mother’s house. I have asked her twice before to let me off the mortgage, and she responded by saying, “I can’t. I need you.” When I asked again this last time, she blew up at me.
She thinks my husband is controlling me or manipulating me to ask her to let me off the mortgage. Now she “hates him” and doesn’t want to see him or his family. She’s barely talking to me and acting super-cruel and vindictive. It hurts me that she is acting like a 5-year-old having a temper tantrum. I’m so sad. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Advice?
— ENSLAVED IN MARYLAND
DEAR ENSLAVED: You have my sympathy. Getting your name (and the financial guarantee that goes with it) off your mother’s mortgage may not be as simple as you would wish. It’s time you spoke about this with an attorney with an expertise in real estate, because extricating yourself may be both time consuming and expensive.