DEAR ABBY: A group of us friends grew up together and have remained connected over the decades. Many have died off, however, leaving three of us who are very close. One of the three, “Marie,” has grown increasingly “prickly” with each passing year. When I have mentioned it to her, she says, “Love me anyway!” We do love her, but we find ourselves spending less and less time around her.
Marie is divorced and has no children. I had always envisioned inviting her to live with my family so she wouldn’t be alone (she’s having trouble keeping up her home and lives on a very modest income). When my grandchildren were around recently, Marie was gritting her teeth because her nerves were so frayed. As a result, my daughter took the kids out for a long walk and later asked what I thought was wrong with “Auntie.”
I’d like to give the question to you, Abby. What do you think is wrong with Marie? Our third survivor said after a recent experience (I wasn’t there) that he’d do everything in his power not to have his grandchild around her again. -
— CHANGE OF HEART IN OREGON
DEAR CHANGE: You state that Marie has become increasingly “prickly” with each passing year. In light of your long friendship, try to find out the reason for her change in attitude. Her disagreeableness may stem from unhappiness with the way her life has turned out. She may also not enjoy the company of young children. (Not everyone does, although some are better at faking it than others.)
Do not ask Marie to move in with you and your family unless you can provide private accommodations for her if the children stress her out. Alternatively, research lower cost, child-free alternatives that might better suit her.
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DEAR ABBY: I am getting divorced and not happy about it. My wife and I have been married eight years, together for nine, and we have three children. I’m the first to admit that I made a lot of mistakes in business and with finances that caused her to no longer trust me.
I thought we were working on things, and we had agreed to move to start over. Well, she moved before me. She met other men she liked more than me, and, when I arrived, she told me, “Sorry, there’s the door.” I am devastated and angry. I think she sympathizes with my pain, but I can’t get her to talk about it. How do I let go of my anger and move on with my life?
— CAN’T LET GO
DEAR CAN’T: From what you have written, your wife appears to be as angry with you as you are with her. If she wants to end the marriage, you can’t stop her. That’s why it is important you consult an attorney about how to proceed. (Are you employed? Is she?) Someone is going to have to support those children until you are financially stable. You may need the help of a mental health professional in order to let go of your anger and get on with your life. And whether that should be first or second on your list of priorities, I can’t answer for you.