Dear Abby | Former classmate in affair hopes for future together
Our marriages have deteriorated and we complain about our spouses.
DEAR ABBY: In high school, I had a close male friend, “Adam.” After graduation, I moved out of state. We remained friends for a while in college, calling, writing and visiting each other. He often declared his love for me, but I was interested only in a friendship.
As with most high school relationships, we lost contact. Now, rereading old letters from friends, I realize there was a constant theme that we were perfect for each other and I should give him a chance.
Fast-forward 20 years: My husband and I went back for a high school reunion and I met Adam’s wife. We all went out to dinner and had a very nice time. Adam and I exchanged phone numbers, agreed to stay in touch and we actually did. For eight years, we have been texting and staying in touch.
Our marriages have deteriorated and we complain about our spouses, but also have real conversations and have grown very close. Three months ago, we met halfway between our two cities and began an affair. We now meet once or twice a month and spend the day in bed. We call each other once a day and text constantly. He even came to my city with his best friend who knows about us.
I’m falling in love with Adam. He says he’s unhappy and thinks about separating from his wife. I’d leave my husband for him and move to his state because his children are younger. He hasn’t made any promises about the future, but he constantly tells me how his wife yells at and belittles him. I think we could be very good together. How can I convince him we deserve this chance?
— HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART
DEAR SWEETHEART: While you are willing to leave your husband, Adam’s situation is more complicated. There are younger children involved and, as verbally abusive as his wife may be, he may not wish to disrupt their lives. Divorces are painful, messy and expensive.
I think it would be in your best interests to lay your cards on the table and ask Adam what his plans are regarding his wife and his children and where you fit in. Then cross your fingers and pray he is honest with you because the odds are NOT in your favor. (Just sayin’.)
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DEAR ABBY: I’m married to a wonderful man, but his driving is very stressful for me. He usually drives 10 to 30 miles over the speed limit. Sometimes, he’ll approach a turn that’s marked 25 doing 48. His car has a large digital readout of the speed, and I can easily see it. If I say anything he gets very angry, and as he’s getting older — mid-70s — his reaction time isn’t optimal. Help! I don’t know what to do.
— STRESSED SPOUSE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SPOUSE: I can think of several things you can do: Stop looking at the speedometer, sit in the backseat, close your eyes and pray — or drive yourself.