Dear Abby | Friend’s teasing spouse ducks out during visits

DEAR ABBY: About 10 years ago, I visited my oldest and dearest friend, who I see a few times a year. The last time, her husband, who I’ve also known for years and who I thought was a friend, started teasing me. I can take a joke, but the teasing got mean. Eventually he stopped, and I continued my visit.

I was really angry at him, but because I didn’t want to involve my friend, I sent him an email. I told him I thought his teasing went too far and to please not do it again. He never replied. Now when I visit my friend, her husband is never there. He stays away. I haven’t seen him in years.

My friend makes silly excuses why he isn’t at home when I visit. In fact, the last time I went I saw him driving away when I drove up! I don’t hold a grudge against the guy. I think it’s sad that he has to run away. Should I say something?

— PERPLEXED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: No. You dealt with your friend’s husband appropriately without involving his wife. Enjoy your visits with her, and do not drag her into this. I see no reason to raise the subject. Your problem is solved.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m a gentleman who would like to date more than I do. I want to ask a woman in my church choir out for coffee or lunch on a Sunday afternoon. But I get so nervous I get knots in my stomach. I know dating is one of the things I need to leave in God’s hands and have His help in getting over the nerves.

I like my friend in the choir a lot. I think she’s a wonderful and caring person. I want to get to know her better because, even though we’ve said “Hi” and “Bye” and exchanged glances during choir practice on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings, I don’t know her heart and what makes her tick. Can you offer some advice?

— PAINFULLY SHY IN MISSOURI

DEAR PAINFULLY SHY: Start treating the woman as you would a friend rather than a love interest. Asking a fellow choir member to join you for coffee afterward or for a lunch could be a healthy, nonthreatening beginning of a relationship. (Notice I didn’t use the word “romance.”) Because you want to get to know her better, summon your courage and let her get to know YOU better. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

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DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I occasionally meet for breakfast. She always stops someplace en route and brings takeout coffee into the restaurant. I am often kept waiting because she’s in a drive-through getting that drink. I find it embarrassing that she joins me with drink in hand from elsewhere. How should I handle this?

— EMBARRASSED IN THE EAST

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Ask your friend why she does it. It’s possible she simply doesn’t like the coffee that restaurant serves, although she does enjoy their food and your company. I don’t think you should tell her it embarrasses you, because it is really no reflection ON you.