Dear Abby | Mother’s intuition warns of trouble under her roof

DEAR ABBY: I suspect that something has been going on with my husband and our daughter-in-law. My husband has become obsessed with her, and they both seem to become nervous when they are around me at the same time. My husband is always checking to see when I’m leaving.

My son and daughter-in-law and their three kids live in our duplex, but my son isn’t home most of the day. Should I be concerned about what’s going on with them? Everything in me is telling me something is not right.

-- WORRIED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WORRIED: I hope you are wrong, but if “everything in you” is telling you something is not right, listen to your intuition. Continue monitoring the situation and keep a journal of your observations. If your marital relationship with your husband has changed, it’s a red flag. Talk to him about it. It may take the services of a licensed marriage and family therapist to get your marriage back on track. Share the journal with your therapist during some of the sessions, or with your attorney, if the need arises.  

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DEAR ABBY: My mom died five years ago. I didn’t talk to her the last few months before her death because of the extreme stress she put me under. I finally told my brother it was his turn to deal with her because she had always been sweet to him. I dealt with her issues for 40 years and could no longer continue. Mom was greedy, self-centered and narcissistic. She caused many issues between my brother and me.

My question concerns her ashes. I have them. My brother wanted nothing to do with them, and I don’t know how to dispose of them. I have considered spreading them in the mountains since she liked camping and fishing, but I don’t know if it is legal. Otherwise, they will sit in my basement forever.

-- NEEDS A SOLUTION

DEAR NEEDS: Contact the funeral home or crematorium that handled your mother’s remains and ask what the rules are in your state about the disposition of ashes. Because rules differ in different states, counties, etc., the people there would be in the best position to assist you.  

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DEAR ABBY: I have a relationship problem I hope you can help me with. I have loved this woman for years. We grew up together. We parted because I had to move away to Japan. Well, a few years ago, we met again. We began to communicate, and all my feelings for her rushed back after all these years. I know she doesn’t feel the same way about me. How can I let her know how bad it hurts, this unrequited love?

-- SMITTEN IN THE WEST

DEAR SMITTEN: I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Knowing this woman doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, do you really think informing her that “all those feelings have rushed back” will endear you? It may cause her embarrassment. You will be happier if you stop dwelling on your unrequited love from the past, resolve to live in the present and, from now on, look for companionship from candidates who are emotionally available.