No sudden moves

Did you hear about the chess tournament in Moscow?

Evidently, it wasn’t all fun and games.

I’m talking about the Moscow Chess Open, a tournament in which a 7-year-old boy was playing chess against a robot. The robot reached out, grabbed the boy’s finger, and crushed it on the spot. It took three people to free the child.

The president of the Russian Chess Federation, Sergey Lazarev, said, “The robot broke the child’s finger. This, of course, is bad.”

Right.

So far, so good.

But then Lazarev went on to say, “The child made a move, and after that we need to give time for the robot to answer, but the boy hurried, and the robot grabbed him.”

So there’s a totally reasonable explanation.

The boy malfunctioned.

He got what he deserved, for hurrying.

He was probably trying to make the robot look bad.

And it pissed the robot off.

I mean, robots have feelings, too.

You can watch the video online, of the robot crushing the boy’s finger and people running around trying to free the child and turn off the robot.

God bless the internet.

Where would we be without technology?

If you know the answer, raise your hand.

Just not too fast.

Russian grandmaster Sergey Karjakin said it was “some kind of software error or something.”

Understood.

I bet the robot was supposed to crush the kid’s entire hand.

His four other fingers were unscathed.

What’s the matter with this robot?

It’s obviously defective.

It’s being sent to Siberia as we speak.

Track your package!

Or maybe it was supposed to grab the boy by the throat and strangle him.

That must be a different setting.

Maybe that’s when it’s on High.

It must have been on Low, which is grievous bodily harm.

I don’t want to play chess against a Russian robot set on Max.

I’m pretty sure it invades another country.

Hey, those war crimes aren’t going to commit themselves.

Karjakin reportedly said, “This has never happened before. There are such accidents.”

He’s right.

You know the clichés.

Accidents happen.

And robots will be robots.

In fact, Lazarev later said, “The child played the very next day, finished the tournament, and volunteers helped to record the moves.”

So no harm, no foul.

Walk it off, kid.

Nobody likes a whiner.

Reportedly, the robot can play several games of chess at the same time, but the news didn’t say anything about its record.

I’m guessing it wins.

Every single game.

Because it’s obviously a chess genius.

Not because it crushes its opponents.

Literally.

I don’t think I want to play checkers with a Russian robot, either.

I mean, when it says King me, you have to.

Or how about blackjack?

If the robot says Hit me, I have advice for you:

Don’t.

I used to like to play Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots.

But somebody’s taking it way too seriously.

And how about Monopoly?

I think Russia already has that market cornered, no pun.

Would you play Monopoly with a Russian robot?

First thing, I bet they buy Baltic Avenue.

And then they send you to jail.

Forever.

Meanwhile, Russia’s on quite a roll, isn’t it?

The nicest thing it’s done lately is break a kid’s finger.

It’s bombing Ukraine to destroy democracy.

It interferes in our elections to destroy democracy.

It spreads disinformation to destroy democracy.

You see the problem.

Obviously, it’s democracy.

We’re the boy with the crushed finger.

I wish Russia would leave Ukraine in peace.

And let democracy be.

The whole world is watching.

Look for Lisa’s new best-selling domestic thriller, “What Happened to the Bennetts,” on sale now. Also, look for Lisa’s historical novel, “Eternal,” in paperback. Francesca’s debut novel, “Ghosts of Harvard,” is also in paperback.