One tough customer | Lisa Scottoline

I have four wonderful little dogs.

Including one who bites.

His name is Kit.

His alias is the Gremlin from the Kremlin.

I’ve had a special trainer to help us at the house, and I’ve had him on Prozac, Trazodone, and Clomicalm, but nothing made any difference.

Now he’s drug-free.

I’m the one who needs the drugs.

In his defense, let me say that Kit doesn’t bite out of meanness, but out of fear. He was the runt of the litter, and he bites only when he thinks you’re going to take his water or food.

Secretly I don’t blame him.

Anyone who goes to a restaurant with me knows this. I love you, but please order your own meal.

You can taste mine, but we’re not sharing.

Sharing is what I’ve done my whole life.

Now it’s all mine.

This is a middle-aged woman talking.

To return to point, because Kit guards his water, we give him his own water bowl in the corner of the family room, which he guards off and on.

To be fair, it’s really good water.

And a water bowl looks great in any family room.

My décor is Early Kennel.

We give the other dogs water in the rest of the house. So I have water bowls in the kitchen, entrance hall, and office.

I knock one over every day.

I live in wet socks.

Also, the wood floor is buckling.

But I don’t make the rules.

Kit does.

If you have a dog with behavior problems, you learn that it’s your behavior that gets modified.

If you go near his water, he gets in one of his moods. It’s comical, only because he’s 10 years old and weighs about 12 pounds. His eyes bulge and he growls, and I used to think he wouldn’t bite me until he bit me.

It didn’t hurt, but it turned septic and I ended up in the hospital for three days.

But last week, Kit stopped eating and drinking, so we took him to the vet. She gave him meds and said that if he didn’t improve, he’d need an ultrasound at the emergency vet.

Bottom line, he didn’t improve, and a major snowstorm arrived.

Fast-forward to me driving the only car on the road behind a snowplow.

If you’ve never driven behind a snowplow, I’ll tell you what it’s like.

It’s terrific.

I felt like a million bucks.

Kit felt the same way. Except he missed his water bowl.

By the way, I’m not recommending you drive in a snow emergency.

This column is to make you smile.

Not give you advice.

Anyway I got Kit to the vet hospital and I told them that Kit’s a wonderful little guy except when there’s water or food around.

Later the vet told me that when he growled at her, she laughed.

Whew.

Anyway, the ultrasound showed that Kit had eaten a small rock, which had to be surgically removed right away. We worried he wouldn’t make it, but he did, though he lost some intestine.

I lost some shekels.

Now we have him home, and he’s in a lot of pain, so he’s the worst patient ever.

He guards his water all day long, and I caught him looking through gun catalogs.

Francesca has a wonderful way with him, so she’s the point man for his care. But yesterday, he thought she was coming for his water and he tried to bite her ankle.

Now she wears boots around the house.

When we put his food down, we wear oven mitts.

We love him, but we dress for battle.

When he feels better, we know he’ll behave better.

In the meantime, the safest thing on the planet is his water bowl.

We love him, no matter what.

And above all, we want to thank the wonderful veterinarians, vet techs, and everybody who will work in a snowstorm to save the lives of dogs with attitude.

Look for Lisa’s first historical novel, “Eternal,” coming on March 23. Also look for Francesca’s debut novel, “Ghosts of Harvard,” on sale now.