Let’s play a game.
Fun for all ages!
I’ll explain the rules later.
First, some background.
I love the movie The Godfather.
I’m actually a Godfather freak.
I’ve seen The Godfather 84 million times. I watch it whenever it’s on TV, and I rent it over and over.
I never buy it because that would make sense.
I don’t buy movies because if I click “Buy,” I don’t know where the movie goes in the TV.
I don’t know if I could get it out again.
It’s hard to find anything in your TV these days.
To return to point, there’s a character in The Godfather Part II named Hyman Roth. He’s a gangster in Miami who’s wrinkled and almost bald, with wispy tufts of gray hair and a skinny little body. Hyman Roth talks all the time about being sick and vaguely near death.
In fact, Michael Corleone says Hyman Roth “has been dying of the same heart attack for 20 years,” which is the only joke in the movie.
You get the idea.
Hyman Roth is old.
So the other day I was watching The Godfather Part II, and the scene comes on with Hyman Roth’s birthday party, and they’re having vanilla cake.
Before I move on, let me mention that every time they have that cake, I want that cake.
If I see food on TV, I want it.
Sometimes I just have to hear about it to want it.
For example, in an earlier scene, Hyman Roth’s wife asks Michael if he wants a tuna fish sandwich, and every time she says that, I think:
I want a tuna fish sandwich.
With cake for dessert.
In any event, I was watching the birthday party scene, and they brought out the cake, and Hyman Roth wants everybody to see his cake, then they show the cake, which has Hyman Roth’s age written in icing.
And I noticed something in the movie I never noticed before.
The cake says he’s turning 67.
So Hyman Roth is 66.
Wait, what?
I’m 66, turning 67.
I replayed the scene over and over, then freeze-framed the cake.
Some people freeze-frame porn.
I freeze-frame carbs.
I even took a picture of the cake.
Still I couldn’t believe it.
I’m Hyman Roth years old.
What?
I’m not looking great these days, but I look better than Hyman Roth.
I’m way hotter than Hyman Roth.
Which got me thinking.
If you’re of a certain age, you might’ve watched The Andy Griffith Show, which was in black and white.
Half of you don’t even know what I’m talking about. TV used to be only in black and white. This was before Netflix.
Somehow my life is a history lesson.
Bear with me, young’uns.
Because this will happen to you.
Anyway Sheriff Andy Taylor was the main character in the TV show, and his widowed aunt was named Aunt Bee. She was the first character I looked at and thought, that’s what old looks like.
Aunt Bee had a pile of gray hair, pearls, and always wore a flowered dress, sometimes with a frumpy hat. She was played by actress Frances Bavier, who won an Emmy for the role.
So I just checked her age.
She was 67 during the run of the show.
My birthday is in two weeks.
I’m turning Aunt Bee, too.
It doesn’t seem possible.
Truly, I’m stuck between Hyman Roth and Aunt Bee.
Aunt Bee’s favorite curse word was “Flibbertigibbet!”
Flibbertigibbet is not my favorite curse word.
It’s not even my favorite F-word.
Food is.
You can play this game at home.
Think of a character on TV or in a movie you thought was really old, when you were younger.
Then look up their age.
What?
I hope you enjoy the game.
I said before I’d explain the rules.
Here’s a surprise ending.
This game has no rules.
Neither does aging.
You can be Hyman Roth or Aunt Bee, you can have gray hair or not, you can wear pearls in the kitchen, and you can say whichever F-word is your favorite.
It’s your life.
And someday it will be somebody else’s history lesson.
Happy Birthday to me!
I’m totally eating the cake.
Look for Lisa’s new best-selling domestic thriller, “What Happened to the Bennetts,” on sale now. Also, look for Lisa’s best-selling historical novel, “Eternal,” in paperback. Francesca’s debut novel, “Ghosts of Harvard,” is also in paperback.