Splish splash

You remember when people used to say, don’t sweat the small stuff?

Evidently, we listened.

At least the media did.

Let me explain.

Did you hear the news story last weekend about the space junk that was going to hit the Earth?

If you didn’t, I know why.

It barely made the news.

I happened to have the TV on, and I heard a reporter say that a huge piece of space junk was going to be landing on Earth over the weekend, but nobody knew where, and it would kill a lot of people if it fell on land. Luckily, the reporter said, most of the planet is water, so we have that going for us.

The reporter even chuckled.

I thought he might be joking.

Or maybe I was in a Batman movie.

One in which the villain, who’s over the top when it comes to acting, makeup, and wardrobe, devises a really scary scheme to destroy the world.

I went to my computer and confirmed that scientists were expecting space junk to fall out of the sky, and no one knew where it would land, and a lot of people could die.

Or not.

I started to sweat.

I even prayed.

I prayed it would land on water.

Not New Jersey or Delaware water, which I love, but water far away.

Then I felt bad for the fish and all the other things that live in the sea.

But they’re out of luck, the way we run the planet.

Goodbye, Nemo.

I remember way back when, there was a movie about an asteroid that was going to hit Earth, and the plot was considered terrifying enough for a big-budget Hollywood production. Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis flew up in a spaceship to save the day, so major A-listers were sweating the asteroid.

They called it Armageddon for a reason.

Coincidentally, Ben Affleck was all over the news last weekend, but only because he had lunch with Jennifer Lopez.

Is Bennifer back?

Now, to be honest, Bennifer is a story that would interest me on any weekend other than the one in which the world may/may not end. There’s an exception to every rule, and Killer Space Junk is the first one that comes to mind.

Armageddon?

Just another news day.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez?

WOW!

Anyway, the space junk landed in the Indian Ocean.

Water, far away!

But are we supposed to be happy about this?

I’m not.

Neither are the Indian Ocean fish.

I care about other people’s backyards, and I bet you do, too.

We’re all connected, to each other and the Earth, and if you need a reminder, let me remind you there’s a global pandemic.

Yet the news about the ocean landing barely made a splash.

The space junk may have, but who knows?

I haven’t heard a word about it on TV.

I guess they think we dodged a bullet.

A really big bullet.

Maybe, between the pandemic and politics, the media has been sweating so much that it’s emotionally dehydrated.

I get it.

They worked around the clock for years, and they’re tired.

So don’t sweat it, media.

I got this.

I’ll sweat for all of us.

Now I’m sweating future space junk.

I mean, it’s science. What goes up must come down.

This applies to everything but my weight.

Is there a plan for falling space junk, other than fingers crossed?

If you ask me, whoever’s in charge of space junk isn’t thinking this through.

I plan lunch with more care.

If you throw a cup on a highway, you risk a fine.

So why is it OK to send junk into space without Ben Affleck?

Believe me, I’m sweating.

Look for Lisa’s best-selling historical novel, “Eternal,” in stores now. Also look for Francesca’s critically acclaimed debut novel, “Ghosts of Harvard,” on sale now.