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Super Bowl Halftime Performer: Madonna

The Material Girl will perform with Cirque du Soleil

For those of you who remain functional by halftime of the annual bacchanal that is the Super Bowl, it may interest you to know that your mind-blowing musical entertainment this year will be provided by Madonna. The gig was announced last night during the prime time game between the Saints and the Lions.

The selection of the 53-year-old Material Girl is strictly in keeping with the NFL's boomer policy (and we don't mean Esiason). By decree of the commissioner all Super Bowl acts must be multi-platinum sellers, still refer to their collections as "albums" and remain a little fuzzy on exactly what a "download" is.

Madonna and halftime? Perfect together. To ensure that she is at her most pretentious on the evening of Feb. 5, her performance will be "imagined" by Cirque du Soleil on a hastily assembled platform at the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianoplis.

There aren't enough Cheetohs in the world to cater this event.

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