TJ's colonoscopy tips
Most of the people reading this have, will, or SHOULD be getting a colonoscopy one day, and probably one day soon. If you have, you know the cleansing preparation is usually worse than the procedure. Over the last week, I have done the prep twice – once for a colonoscopy last week, and now, for surgery this week. I go under the knife (a laparoscopic one) Thursday at noon for colostomy reversal surgery. It's been a long day coming, one we weren't sure if we would ever see, and one we are all very happy about.
However, getting ready for this will not be fun… but(t) there are some things that make it a little more bearable. And if you are reading this and saying, "No way, not me", save your pride for something less serious. Colorectal cancer kills over 50,000 Americans each year, and these tests save lives (up to 60% if everyone over age 50 were screened regularly). I have at least one male relative and another friend who are still here because they reluctantly went in for an exam. I am sure there are others affected; colonoscopy exams don't exactly come up that often in conversation. So WHEN you have to cross the colonoscopy bridge, here's a little help to make the trip smoother.
You're not on Death Row – so don't eat like it the night before the fasting starts. It will only make the next day longer. If you can, cut back on harder to digest items (think red meat) a couple of days prior.
Browse the "broth" aisle at the supermarket. You'll be on clear liquids for at least the day before, and want substance of some sort. As tempting as new flavored broths may be (like Thai Ginger or Tuscan Italian), stick to the basics – chicken, beef, and vegetable. I got a 32oz container of each one and a backup veggie just in case.
Pick up at least one pack of bouillon. If you haven't had the MSG-tinged flavor of Ramen noodles in awhile, this will bring you back to your early twenties quickly.
The Jello allowance can make for all sorts of fun. When you can't eat, this is the closest substitution. Combine flavors in the bowl, or stacked them like sandwiches. Lemon and Lime, Peach and Orange, and depending if red-colored Jello is OK, Strawberry and Lime. You could really have all kinds of fun with this, just no Jello shots.
Keep going – you'll actually feel better once the "hangry" goes away. That might take some time, but after the midday hump, it's not nearly as bad. If you can be absent while dinner is cooking, that makes it easier.
"Fasting" has some merit to an overall healthy lifestyle; it's debatable if calorie restriction leads to a longer life, or intermittent fasting has prolonged health benefits. Considering what most Americans consume, either or both can't be BAD for you on occasion. So give your insides a break from the lunchmeats and Amoroso rolls (I mean, the steamed veggies and quinoa salads, right??)
Drink a LOT of water. This will flush out leftover junk in your digestive system (and keep you hydrated) as the colon pulls water in to push everything else out. Although it's a very simple, simple thing, most of us neglect to drink enough fluids (or the right kinds). You'll be getting a lot of liquid anyways, but water is a better option than soda or sports drinks.
Although this is allowed… give yourself a break from caffeine, too. If you're going to be miserably hungry, you might as well go all-in; no one likes a wide-awake hungry (and probably cranky) person. Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in the morning if you'd like (with no milk or sugar… sorry, them's the rules) but afterwards, stick to water, decaf fresh brewed tea, and 100 percent juice (clear and non-citrus; apple was my choice). It's a colonoscopy, not an excuse to guzzle sugar water.
Toss any prep drink in the fridge – much easier to down once it's chilled. There are a variety of different methods to the "cleanse" part; mine recently was magnesium citrate, a 10oz bottle of laxative (cherry flavor was by far the best, FYI).
Stay close to the bathroom, bring some reading with you and get comfortable. This could last awhile.
Once you get to the hospital, you're nearly out of the woods. Granted, it's a bit intimidating – sterile room, probing equipment looming, a couple of people asking medical questions, and you turning your pretty bare behind towards them. You wonder (or, at least I did) what makes someone studying medicine decide this would be their best career path. Luckily, the anesthesia comes next and works quickly – I woke up afterwards asking, "Are we doing the test next?" (This is either pretty common, as it happened to a friend too, or they are just using some serious sedatives).
One final note… this may not be for every colonoscopy procedure, but for mine, I needed to do an enema. I stared at that thing for 20 minutes, while Jen laughed – a lot (do NOT get into a marital disagreement before any enema-required procedure, as you are forced to choose between wife laughing at you, or wife "assisting" with insertion). This will be my sixth surgery, and of everything I have gone through, the 20 minutes of staring and additional 15 minutes of "I can do this… no I can't…" lying on the bed was my least-courageous stint yet. If avoiding that meant liquids for three days, I totally would have done it. So be sure and get ALL the details from your doctor about what the prep requirements are. And get that broth warmed up.
T.J. Sharpe shares his fight against Stage 4 Melanoma in the Patient #1 blog. Read more »