Chores: To pay or not to pay?

It’s obvious that doing chores pays off in big benefits for the family and the child, but does that mean parents shouldn’t pay children for the work they do?

Not surprisingly, a survey conducted by Time for Kids showed that 75 percent of the children polled thought they should get paid.  It's not quite so clear cut when it comes to the parents' point of view. Most surveys show that they're pretty evenly divided on the subject.

How do the experts weigh in? Ron Lieber, the New York Times personal finance columnist, who writes about kids, parents, and money, takes a more traditional position on the topic of allowance and chores.

In his new book, The Opposite of Spoiled a guide to teaching kids about money and values, Lieber says the purpose of allowance is to provide hands-on experience working within a budget. It's also the best way to teach the difference between wanting and really needing something .

He states, "They will buy one pair of jeans or Ugg boots and there won't be any money left. I believe pretty strongly in the no bailout rule. Let them live with the consequence. Let them buy the prom dress secondhand. It's a lesson they won't have to learn at 25 when they want to bust into their 401(k) to solve the problem they created because they never knew how to make a trade-off."

But should the allowance your kids get be conditionally based on the chores they do around the house? Lieber says absolutely not.  His reasoning is that parents don't get paid for family housework and neither should children.

He explains, "At some point they're going to get wise to the whole system. They're going to decide that they have enough money and they don't need to do chores anymore. And then as a parent you're stuck because of the deal you made."

But even worst is that the child will be missing out on  the "real" rewards of doing household chores – rewards that will be around long after those Uggs have gone out of style.

Research conducted by Marty Rossmann, professor emeritus at the University of Minnesota,  found that young adults who began chores at ages 3 and 4 were more likely to have good relationships with family and friends, to achieve academic and early career success, and to be self-sufficient, as compared with those who didn't have chores or who started them as teens.

Chores also teach children how to be empathetic and responsive to others' needs, according to psychologist Richard Weissbourd of the Harvard Graduate School of Education. He conducted a study in which 10,000 middle- and high-school students were surveyed and asked to rank what they valued more: achievement, happiness, or caring for others.

Nearly 80 percent chose achievement or happiness over caring for others. However, research suggests that personal happiness comes most reliably not from high achievement, but from strong relationships. "We're out of balance," says Weissbourd. A good way to start readjusting priorities is by learning to be kind and helpful at home.

Personally, I believe the best "payment" for doing chores is not money, but the priceless boost to children's self-esteem - coming to fully appreciate just how capable they are and how valued their contributions are to the well-being of the entire family.

So now you know what the professionals think, but this is a tough call and a personal decision. Your choice should be one that fits best with your family values and your children's needs.

What do you think? Let us know!

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