Duggar family scandal: How to prevent sex abuse in your family
Josh Duggar recently said he had molested five girls, including some of his sisters when he was 14 and 15. The fact is that this could happen in any family. But there are things we can do to try to prevent it.
Josh Duggar grew up in a strict Christian household. His father, Jim Bob Duggar, was a former Arkansas state representative who in 2002 said that rape and incest merited the death penalty and the family became TV stars for nearly seven years on a cable show that focused on their devout life.
They became notorious in May when Josh Duggar said that in 2002 and 2003, when he was 14 and 15, he had molested five girls, including some of his sisters. Their new notoriety has something to do with the hypocrisy of covering the family secret while cashing in on TV stardom, but the lesson here is not entirely about hypocrisy.
The fact is that this could happen in any family. Our goal, yours and mine, is to see that it doesn't happen in yours.
I think Jim Bob Duggar made at least two important mistakes that parents can avoid: His family didn't talk very much with their children about sex; and he discussed the incidents with a policeman (who didn't do anything about it) instead of a qualified therapist for his son and daughters.
It's possible that the family secrecy about sexual anatomy and physiology led Josh Duggar to seek answers by using young girls as teaching aids. When children lack accurate information about sexuality they will seek answers where they can, and that's trouble. It's also possible that Josh Duggar might have molested fewer girls if the Duggar daughters had had the words and permission to speak about their brother's acts.
Finally, sometimes a child will be compelled to act in an inappropriate or dangerous way towards others. When it's sexual in nature, the child doesn't need a policeman – he needs a therapist.
The term "sexual abuse of children" encompasses a wide range of behaviors, some of which have varying degrees of seriousness for either the offender or the victim. Juveniles account for more than one-third of the sexual offenses against children known to police. These offenses are often driven by developmentally normal poor judgement and poor impulse control. Adolescents who act out sexually are considered to be highly treatable; there is very good research indicating that recidivism rates are low.
Parents should send their kids out into the world steeped in their family's values about sexuality, wrapped around age-appropriate and medically accurate information about the anatomy and physiology of sexual response and reproduction. It seems as if the Duggars may have gone heavy on the family values part and left their child to his own devices for the accurate information.
These days, most parents are aware that they need to help protect their children from sexual predators. But the Josh Duggar story should remind us how to rear kids who don't prey on others, and that when our children do need help it's not always from a friendly cop.
Rosenzweig is also the author of The Sex-Wise Parent and The Parent's Guide to Talking About Sex: A Complete Guide to Raising (Sexually) Safe, Smart, and Healthy Children. For more information, read her blog, follow @JanetRosenzweig on Twitter.
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