Helping your child adjust to a new baby

Today's guest bloggers are Melissa Westburgh-McGillen, CCLS, and Amanda Smyth, MS, CCLS, certified child life specialists at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. March is Child Life Month.

Bringing a new baby home is an exciting and joyous time for a family. While the parents' focus may rightly tend to fall on their new addition, it's important to remember what the siblings can be feeling and experiencing as a new baby enters the family.

1. Prep work is key. Tell children what to expect when the baby comes home before the big day comes. For example, let them know if there will be extra family members or friends coming to the home to meet the baby or to help out. Consider having an extra set of hands for the other children to give them some time and attention as the baby gets settled (i.e., grandparent, friend, babysitter, etc.).

2. Maintain routines as much as possible. It's particularly important that bedtime and morning routines remain consistent for the sibling. If rooms or beds need to change, do this in advance of the baby coming home. Children need a lot of time to adjust to change and make their new space "their own."

3.Toddler and preschool siblings may want to have a "baby" of their own. Provide them with a baby doll or stuffed animal, and encourage them to play "house". Play is a way children can prepare for the baby being at home. Older siblings may want to help out, almost as an extra caregiver. Explain to siblings what they can do with their baby brother or sister, not just what they cannot. Some examples include holding a clean diaper while you change a dirty one, handing you a towel after the baby's bath, helping choose clothes for the baby to wear, holding toys and books for the baby to look at, singing and talking to the baby, touching the baby's head, arm, leg, etc. in a gentle manner, or sitting in a chair or on the couch to hold the baby when an adult is present.

4. Include the siblings in caring for the baby as much as they are interested, but do not force them to be involved or to take an interest—they will come to it in their own time.

5. Talk a lot about them being a big brother or big sister and how special and important this role is. Remind them of things big boys and girls can do to help parents and their babies. The more exciting it sounds, the more excited and cooperative they will be about their new role.

6. Remember that there will be times that they get angry, jealous, confused and frustrated—it's important to validate these feelings and make sure they know how much they are loved. It can be helpful to make special time each day specifically for the siblings.

7. Provide outlets for feelings through reading books about having a new brother or sister, drawing pictures, or writing in a journal. Allow time for active play to release energy.

8. Explaining sleeping situations can be tough. Help younger siblings understand that big brothers and sisters sleep in their own big beds and that cribs are little beds specifically for babies. Sometimes siblings may want to sleep in the crib if it is set up prior to the baby coming home. Focusing on them sleeping in their own beds is important, but it's normal for them to want to experiment and re-experience being a baby.

Most importantly, cherish this time of growing as a family. Becoming a big brother or big sister is an amazing gift that, with the proper guidance, can create a unique and lasting bond that they will value for their entire lives.

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