Important now: Talking to your kids about racism

With the increased violence we've seen lately, parents and all those who care for or work with children have an additional burden. How do we talk with them about these tragic incidents and reassure them we will keep them safe?

When these most recent shootings began occurring – the murder of the young singer, followed hours later by the largest mass murder in the country's history— most of us were able to discuss them with our kids. It was difficult and unpleasant, but we could do so by explaining, "The boy had emotional problems. That man suffered stress from the war. Some people dislike countries where citizens are free to make choices."

Then there were the police shootings, followed by the shootings of the police. As these senseless shootings continued, most recently in Dallas and Baton Rouge, it became harder and harder to simply explain them away as isolated events committed by ill and misguided individuals. They have become so commonplace, that in some cases we may not have said anything at all.

At a time when freedom loving nations around the world are on constant alert for attacks by outsiders, Americans are attacking other Americans in very public and very violent ways.

As a parent, I was flooded with guilt for passing along this fractured world to the next generation. Worst of all, I felt completely powerless and overwhelmed with sadness, unable to think of anything to do or say that could help or even just make things a little bit better.

That was until I heard two trauma surgeons, Brian Williams, MD, who is African American and Alex Eastman, MD, who is Caucasian; speak out at a press conference being held at Parkland Memorial Hospital where most of the Dallas victims were treated.

Williams said he wished he had been able to preserve more lives. "I think about it every day, that I was unable to save those cops when they came in here that night," he said. "This killing, it has to stop. Black men dying, and being forgotten, people retaliating against the people that are sworn to defend us; we have to come together to end all this."

Eastman, who is also a Dallas police officer and the deputy medical director for the Dallas Police Department, continued, "There's been a lot of talk about race, and there's been a lot of talk about how different we are. Police, civilian, black, white, and I think Brian and I are great examples -- we could not be any closer friends, brothers, colleagues. And so, when you step to the operating room table ... and you look down into someone who's hurt and injured, we all believe the same: There's no difference. We're all pink on the inside."

Williams added, "This is not blaming anyone. This is not choosing sides." This is about just acknowledging that racism and prejudices do exist, and we as a country "need to talk about this to make some kind of change."

That's when I saw a glimmer of hope, an action plan. Something positive each one of us can do. And it all starts with our children, our hope for the future.

Instead of trying to explain away or make sense out of another senseless murder, have a serious conversation with your children about hatred, prejudice, stereotypes, and the violence and destruction they cause.

Think honesty about how you live your life, your actions, what you say, and the opinions you are passing down to them. Remember that most children look up to their parents and want to follow in their footsteps.

We also need to demand that the media and politicians do the same. Trying to gain ratings and votes by pitting Americans against Americans, and Americans against the world may be the way to win elections, but in the long run we all will lose.

In the days since Williams and Eastman made their pleas for unity, the message has been repeated by others – survivors of the shootings, President Obama, and the heartbroken family members of those murdered.

Now it's time for us to get down to the hard work - teaching our children to value and appreciate America's diversity. Not to judge others based on their religions, races, nationalities, or gender preferences, but on how they live their lives. Most important, make sure you are setting the example they should follow.

And never underestimate your power to bring about change.

The following sites provide information to help you start the conversation.

Teaching Tolerance: A project of the Southern Poverty Law Center

Child Development Institute: How to teach your kids about tolerance

The Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights:  Talking to our children about racism and diversity

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