According to the Washington Post, Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III will be getting married July 6 to his fiancée, Rebecca Liddicoat.
Their registry, available here, provides a long list of gift ideas for the happy couple.
The welcome mat can be taken as an open invitation to crash at the Griffin IIIs' house. Show up any time.
While there, be sure to request the Real Simple® White Down/Feather Extra Firm Density Standard/Queen Pillow. They're probably using it, but hey, you're the guest.
Why not repay your gracious hosts by making dinner? It's super easy with your Grip Anywhere ladle, spatula, or pasta fork. Maybe I should explain. These are spatulas that you can grip anywhere. Take the rest of your day to wrap your head around that.
Good, dinner is made. I'm sure no one will mind that the Oneida® Satin Sand Dune 45-Piece Flatware Set is scattered all over the floor. They shouldn't have made that drawer so hard to open.
Make sure you used the Jubliee Napkin and Jubilee Placemat, otherwise they may not know how jubilant they should be for the meal. The answer is "appropriately" jubliant.
And for god's sake, I hope their napkins aren't just stting there. We're not animals. They're to be rolled up in a tasteful Beaded Elegance Oil-Rubbed Bronze Napkin Ring. Try to delay the reveal of your classlessness until at least dessert.
Yes, I know the picture of the Sharper Image® Digital Food Scale had a piece of cooked meat on it in the ad. We're file the false advertisement suit later.
Goodness, look at the time on the Rustic Roman Numeral Clock. Everyone is so busy exchanging uncomfortable glances that they've forgotten to ask if you'd like to take a shower.
So, relax with a shower, using a towel from the Spa Collection, or perhaps the Turkish Ribbed set. In either case, you know how a towel works.
What's that? The police have been called? Well, this is clearly just a misunderstanding - the mat said "Welcome." No matter; simply start a small fire in the LaMont Home™ Cambria Wastebasket as a diversion while you find a window to scramble out of.
Having trouble scaling the side of the house? Well, silly, you forgot to unstrap the Black And Decker® Dustbuster™ Cordless Hand Vacuum from your back. Come on.