Joan Rivers: Get My Grandson into Penn

"I'm back in Philadelphia every six weeks for QVC," says Joan Rivers, whose jewelry line is a big seller on the shopping network. "Melissa went to Penn, you know."

We know, Joan. We know how proud you are. You tell us every time we meet. "Melissa works hard for Penn. She's a big member of the Penn family, planning meetings, raising money. Make sure you put that in. We've got to get Cooper into Penn, and we've only got 10 years. ... If my grandson doesn't get in, I'm coming after you."

Edgar Cooper Endicott is Melissa River's only child, the apple of the eye of his grandma, who has a show premiering Aug. 5 on TV Land, How'd You Get So Rich. She goes around interviewing self-made megabuckers. "The nouveau riche are wonderful," says Joan, 76 and still tough as ever. "They'll tell you everything. ... One guy opened his safe, and we counted his money. I had an orgasm, the first time since Melissa."

Someone asked Joan what she thought about all the late-night TV changes. "Leno at 10 -- that's brilliant, because America can get bored more early and go to bed earlier. It's nice for the Midwest because the crops will be green."

Joan and Melissa made quite a pair on the recently completed Celebrity Apprentice, where Joan won and Melissa went totally crackers when she got fired by Donald Trump, allegedly, by Joan, anyway, because of the conniving and double-dealing of poker champion Annie Duke. Joan beat Annie in the finals and won the competition. How'd she do it?

"Darling, I was smarter, harder-working, stopped at nothing and I'm honorable. It came down to good versus evil."