You're in the driver's seat when it comes to many of life's expenses

You need a sense of humor to have kids, especially during a nasty recession.

Frankly, the bun was in the oven before the stock and job markets took nosedives. But even if that hadn't been the case, a little economic uncertainty wouldn't have changed our family plans.

When our daughter was born nearly six years ago, my husband and I worked low-level jobs in the nonprofit and public sectors. We could have waited to start a family until we were richer. Yet with careful planning, we managed to live within our means despite the addition of the dreaded D's: Diapers and daycare.

Fortunately, our first son arrived along with new jobs and better pay. This was 2006, a time when it was oh-so-tempting to upgrade our shabby model of the American Dream. But we resisted. Daycare cost more than our mortgage. Plus, we figured our three-bedroom fixer-upper was good enough for said son to practice his Matchbox car-chucking skills.

Son No. 2 arrived at a time when job insecurity, pay cuts and reduced benefits are the reality in many households, including my own. But since our lifestyle and money values haven't changed much since we were new parents with new careers, I'm not so worried about handling whatever financial curveballs are thrown our way.

While off on maternity leave since my son was born April 3, I took a break from watching the daily moves of the stock market. It's something I suggest that every long-term investor do.

I admit, the roughly $200,000 pricetag that the U.S. Department of Agriculture has slapped on raising a kid, excluding college, is frightening. But remember that you're in the driver's seat when it comes to many of life's expenses.

I can only shake my head at a recent survey from the family friendly classifieds site www.kijiji.com that found average American parents spending $2,577 on baby gear. No need! Buy used. Borrow from friends. Yes, it can be hard to resist the latest baby gear. The stuff's niftier and more stylish than the hand-me-downs my son drools on. But I'm trying my best to stay focused on the major long-term expenses: college, retirement and six months of savings to keep my family afloat in case of troubled times.

Don't get me wrong. I spent money while on maternity leave. The new stroller cost nearly $400 - on sale. That's on top of the few hundred bucks we've shelled out for junky strollers over the years because I was too cheap to fork over the cash for a superior model from the get-go. The lesson here: Sometimes you have to spend money to save money.

Another great investment for my growing family has been a chest freezer. Thanks to batch cooking before baby and the generosity of friends, my freezer is stuffed with meals. We spend half as much on takeout as we used to. Between less eating out and saving money by stocking up during sales, the freezer has already paid for itself.

Then there were my handful of trips to the mall to upgrade my back-to-work wardrobe. Because of sluggish consumer spending, many stores are practically giving their merchandise away.

During leave, I also took the time to reevaluate my spending. We chucked cable and the gym memberships and added a Netflix account. I started a price list of frequently purchased items and learned that Target is cheaper than Cub Foods for many of my grocery staples. Costco trips also are increasing.

Now, where to store those bulk items?

With three kids in our three-bedroom, a week doesn't go by without someone asking me when we're going to move. Truth is, we're definitely feeling squished and can come up with several reasons to buy. But selling now would mean just about breaking even on our existing home, which we bought in 2002. If we moved, it'd be "hello" private mortgage insurance and "bye-bye" small mortgage payment. While lenders will tell us we can definitely afford to make the leap, our gut says it's risky.

Speaking of guts, I'm a little nervous about being back to work.

In the post-Bernie Madoff era, which financial "experts" can I responsibly quote? While I was on leave, New York Times Your Money columnist Ron Lieber's personal financial adviser was busted by the Securities and Exchange Commission for looting client accounts to the tune of $6 million.

Then the National Association for Personal Financial Advisors (NAPFA), considered one of the premier membership groups for reputable fee-only advisers, sent out a letter after three of its (now former) members-including a past president-were slapped on the wrist for unscrupulous behavior.

Let's make a deal. You let me know if financial advisers or the products they're pitching don't pass the smell test. And I'll continue to do my best to write columns that help you to keep your money safe and growing.

THINKING OF EXPANDING THE FAMILY?

Awaiting a new addition to your family or thinking about having a child? Here's what personal finance columnist and mother of three Kara McGuire suggests:

1. Mock up a baby budget. Envision how you think your expenses will change with another child. Add diapers to the ledger and subtract many of those late nights at the bar. Try to live on one salary if you or your partner is thinking of staying home. This will give you an idea of whether you'll have to cut back your spending to afford a child.

2. Understand your benefits. Learn all you can about your health insurance, your workplace family leave policy and daycare accounts. You don't want to be hit with a surprise hospital bill or miss out on benefits that can lower costs.

3. Start shopping. Spread the word about your pregnancy or adoption as soon as you're comfortable. You'll be surprised by how much loot you can get for baby without spending a penny. I'm giddy when presented with hassle-free opportunities to get rid of unwanted kid stuff. If you can't find most stuff for free, hit the classifieds, then the thrift stores and then consignment stores before buying new. Exceptions: I'd feel uncomfortable not knowing the operating history of my breast pump, crib or car seat. And my new stroller was worth every penny.

4. Reconsider spending. During nap time, I tweaked our budget, streamlined our savings accounts and shopped for deals on household items. I was going to shop around for cheaper insurance policies, but a new mom's got to get her rest, too.

5. Calculate. Use online tools to figure out the cost of raising a child (www.cnpp.usda.gov/calculator.htm) and the cost of college down the road (apps.collegeboard.com/fincalc/college_savings.jsp).

While the numbers that pop up are staggering, developing a game plan for big expenses is an important part of parenting.

(c) 2009, Star Tribune (Minneapolis)

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