Jenice Armstrong | Pregnancy & taste

IF PREGNANCY is supposed to be one of the most beautiful nine months of a woman's life, why do so many moms-to-be stoop to doing the "Girls Gone Wild" thing?

I'm referring to raunchy maternity T-shirts with sayings such as "Knocked Up," "Sex Ed Dropout" or "Contraception Malfunction." Now, I'm no prude but, in my mind, when a pregnant woman walks around with crass sayings like these s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d across her stomach possibly revealing a protuding outie, it gives new meaning to the term "hoochie mama."

The shirts being marketed to expectant fathers these days are even cruder. I've seen daddy T-shirts for sale with sayings such as "He shoots, he scores," or "I'm the milkman." And then there's the even more juvenile, "Look what I did" and "The man behind the belly." As if people really need a reminder. A T-shirt emblazoned with "bulls-eye" on one T-shirt is decorated with stick figures of a pregant woman and a male to help passers-by make the connection. I shouldn't admit this, but I've even imagined one nobody's thought of yet - "The Impregnator."

Seriously, though, I'm all for celebrating the conception of a new life. The fact that so many pregnant women no longer try to hide their "bump" and now flaunt their growing bellies in form-fitting clothes is a wonderful development that's been a long time coming. We have Demi Moore, who posed nude while pregnant for Vanity Fair in 1991 to thank for that, as well as the fashion industry which has gotten away from volumnious tent dresses and maternity pants with ugly stretch panels.

But no matter how much pregnant parents want to flaunt their good fortune, there's still such a thing as good taste. This remains in effect regardless as to which celebrity is photographed in People magazine wearing a T-shirt with the words, "This isn't the threesome my husband fantasized about." Even if Britney Spears or whoever wore it the last time she was pregnant.

"I guess I was lucky. I was pregnant after the dress-them-in-bows era of maternity clothes, but before the 'his boys can swim' T-shirts came out," Jen Singer, creator of www.mommasaid.net, wrote in an e-mail yesterday.

"In the former, pregnant women looked like demure angels who needed to rest a lot. In the latter, pregnant women look like a cross between spring break in Cancun and the reject rack at Mimi Maternity.

"While I'm glad the pendulum has swung away from making pregnant women look like prim, fashionless blobs, it's gone too far in the other direction. I just can't imagine showing up at my mother-in-law's to announce the impending arrival of her grandchild while wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a sperm that says, 'He shot one past the goal. Oh my,' " added Singer, who's also author of "14 Hours 'Til Bedtime" (Wyatt-MacKenzie, $12.95).

During her last pregnancy, ShaeLyn Werner was so taken aback with the crude maternity T-shirts she saw on store shelves that she came up with her own. Available on www.blessessence.com, they have sayings such as "Baby Love" and "Mommy & Me."

"There's a lot of maternity wear out there that's very sarcastic. I think it's really inappropriate. A lot of it, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing," said Werner, who's expecting her fifth child.

Neither would Allison Weiss Brady, 36, a board member of the Philly-based Say Yes Education Foundation, who is seven months pregnant. Although she might find the T-shirts amusing on a stranger, Brady pointed out, "I think they are OK to wear to the gym or to walk around shopping at Rittenhouse Square with, but I wouldn't recommend wearing them to your child's school, any upscale place, or family events."

Or if you do, do us a favor and also wear a jacket. *

Have you peeped a hot trend that hasn't been reported? E-mail heyjen@

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