WOULD EVERYONE in India please stop kissing?

First Richard Gere gets burned in effigy for planting a smooch on Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty, and now Bollywood superstar Aishwarya Rai (the Julia Roberts-but-bigger of Indian cinema) has been asked to appear in Muzaffarpur court on May 20 to explain an "obscene" kiss in her new action movie "Dhoom-II."

The "obscene" kiss is one in which Rai is pecked on the cheek.

Joining Rai in court will be her co-star, Hrithik Roshan, and the owners of the theater where the movie was shown.

According to the ANTARA News Agency, "The court also sent notices to the Bihar government for allowing screening of the film despite its 'obscene' content," a court official said.

These folks are not messing around.

* In other Rai news, she's taking the name of her new husband, movie star Abhishek Bachchan, following their marriage last weekend.

(This was the Indian equivalent of Angelina Jolie marrying Brad Pitt - times 10.)

"She desires to use Bachchan as her surname," her father-in-law, Amitabh Bachchan, himself a super-giant movie star, told the Times of India.

Amitabh Bachchan denied reports that photos of the wedding had been sold to a magazine.

"No such offer has come and even if it did, we would reject it," he said.

Another cultural difference: Bachchan said the young couple would move in with him and his wife, Jaya, instead of getting a home of their own.

Wow, it's like Brad and Angelina moving in with his parents.

* Shifting Geres for a moment, the previous kissing bandit apologized Friday for any offense.

"What is most important to me is that my intentions as an HIV/AIDS advocate be made clear, and that my friends in India understand that it has never been, nor could it ever be, my intention to offend you," Gere said in statement issued by the Heroes Project, an organization he co-founded to combat AIDS in India.

"If that has happened, of course it is easy for me to offer a sincere apology," he said.

Good. Now can we get back to what's obscene here?

Wait, nothing is obscene here.


* According to newsoftheworld. com, Stella "Yenta" McCartney is inviting lots of single women to father Paul's upcoming 65th birthday party in hopes of finding dad a new girlfriend.

Yo, ABC: Tattle is seeing a special season of "The Bachelor."

* Now we understand why Lindsay Lohan parties like a hellcat. She tells Nylon magazine she works hard and she's lonely.

Lindsay, now rumored to be fooling around with DJ Samantha Ronson as she's gone through all the hot guys in Hollywood, says: "Being an actress is lonely, and I never want to be alone. I hate sleeping alone."

Uh, duh!

* Wireless Flash reports that porn star Savanna Samson, who may also have issues with sleeping alone, will provide commentary on New York public radio station WNYC Thursday for . . . the Metropolitan Opera's performance of Richard Wagner's "Tristan und Isolde."

She's an opera buff.

But wait until you see what gets shaved in her version of "The Barber of Seville."

* David Kohan and Jason "Max" Mutchnick, the creators of "Will & Grace," reached a settlement with NBC Studios Friday after claiming they were cheated out of millions of dollars from revenue generated by the long-running NBC hit.

The settlement came a day after the foreman of the jury was removed for failing to disclose he hosted a Web site critical of NBC.

You'd think in voir dire that might have come up.

* 2005 "American Idol" finalist Jessica Sierra was arrested early yesterday on felony battery charges for allegedly hitting a man on the head with a heavy glass at a cafe, police said.

The man wan't Simon Cowell.

Sierra, 21, was also charged with possession of cocaine and introduction of contraband into a correctional facility after officers found a small amount of the drug while searching her, police spokeswoman Andrea Davis said.

* Hugh Grant accepted undisclosed damages Friday from Associated Newspapers, publisher of Britain's Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday, over claims published in February about his relationships with ex-girlfriends Jemima Khan and Elizabeth Hurley.

One story alleged that his relationship with Khan was destroyed by a flirtation with a film executive. Another claimed Grant would attend Hurley's wedding to businessman Arun Nayar and had sponsored a chimpanzee at a British zoo as a gift. A third said he resented having to do publicity for his films.

Grant's lawyer, Simon Smith, said "all of the above allegations and factual assertions are false."

In a statement, Grant, who will donate the money to a cancer charity, said he had taken legal action because he was tired of the newspapers "publishing almost entirely fictional articles about my private life for their own financial gain."

"I'm also hoping that this statement in court might remind people that the so-called 'close friends' or 'close sources' on which these stories claim to be based almost never exist," he said.

But the fake sources always have the best dirt.

* Alec Baldwin isn't the only "30 Rock" star with troubles.

TMZ.com reports that Tracy Morgan, who has had a couple DUIs, has copped a plea that will keep him out of the big house, but in his house he'll have to wear a high-tech SCRAM ankle bracelet that will monitor alcohol vapors coming off his skin.

Morgan will be tested every 30 minutes for 90 days. If he smells like the sauce, he starts back at Day 1. If he liquors up a second time, it'll be 30 days in jail.

Whoa. Big Brother isn't just watching you; he's sniffing you. *

Daily News wire services and bang-showbiz.com contributed to this report.

E-mail gensleh@phillynews.com