Ask Amy: Husband and lovers all cheap

Dear Amy:

I am 44 and have attracted cheap men all of my life.

Looking back, I realize that my boyfriends were cheap. My husband is cheap (we live comfortably), my lovers have all been cheap with me, but what's even more painful is that they have told me about the gifts they bought for their wives and former mistresses.

My current lover and I have been together for more than two years. He is a successful physician and enjoys a nice lifestyle.

I have enough "things," but it is the attention and thought that counts, and I think that a long-term relationship warrants gift-giving "just because" - to make your lover happy.

He once said that he is afraid that my husband would see a present and question it, and I assured him that I would make sure my husband didn't see it. He also said I should not give him anything because his wife might see it.

What advice can you give me? I need to know what I am doing wrong. Is there a profile of women who attract cheap men?

Dear Wondering:

There is a profile of women who attract cheap men. These are women who don't value themselves, who cheapen their relationships by being unfaithful and who could be "bought" for the price of an occasional present from an unfaithful lover.

You sound very unhappy. Your life sounds sad. When you start to value yourself, others will start to value you. Then the gifts (non-material but valuable all the same) will start to flow.