Tattle: Rihanna denies sex-tape rumor

YOU EITHER HAVE SOMETHING or you don't. Claiming you have something you don't actually have is not something you can lie about for too long.

Eventually, it catches up with you.

So Tattle is baffled by the report on RadarOnline.com that Hustler claims it has a sex tape of leggy "S&M" singer Rihanna and rapper J-Cole, (who may have really been) her opening act on her recent "Loud" tour.

"Hustler is in possession of the Rihanna and J-Cole tape," said a rep for Larry Flynt's porn empire. "We have seen it and we do not know what we are going to do with it yet."

We can guess what a lot of people are going to do with it.

If it exists.

"Rihanna is surprised because there is no sex tape," her sources told Radar Online.

Tattle has been spooning out this swill for a long time, and we don't think anyone has been arrested more during our tenure than DMX (aka Earl Simmons).

If it's not one thing it's another with this guy.

Wednesday night, he was nabbed for speeding in Phoenix.

Dude, the cops have a tracking device on you. You shouldn't even walk fast.

Arizona Department of Public Safety spokesman Carrick Cook told the Associated Press that the 40-year-old rapper was bonded out of jail yesterday morning.

According to reports, this was not a case of driving while black; it was a case of driving over 100 mph.

So it was more a case of driving while blur.

DMX was cited for criminal speed, reckless driving and, of course, he finished the trifecta by driving with a suspended and revoked license.

(Tattle safety note to all you folks who've had your licenses taken away: There's a reason you're not supposed to be driving.)

DMX was released from an Arizona state prison just last month after his probation was revoked for failing to submit to drug testing and . . .

Driving with a suspended license.

*

Keith Richards

' memoir,

Life

, has sold more than 1 million copies since coming out last fall.

"Hail to the Keef!" Little, Brown and Co. publisher Michael Pietsch said in a statement yesterday, noting that Life was among the best-selling rock memoirs of all time.

Richards, 67, received more than $7 million for his book, which received almost universal raves.

* Jon Stewart will host a Q&A with the surviving members of Nirvana to celebrate the 20th anniversary of "Nevermind."

Stewart will host the event on SiriusXM for two hours on Sept. 24. It will feature fans, Nirvana band members Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic, and Butch Vig, the album's producer. Kurt Cobain, the band's lead singer, committed suicide in 1994.

"Nevermind" was the band's second album and has sold 10 million units in the United States. It features Nirvana's biggest hit, "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

SiriusXM will also launch the all-Nirvana channel, Nevermind Radio, on Sept. 23, for five days, which seems ambitious since there's only a few hours' worth of music.

* Donnie and Mark Wahlberg have licensed the name of a hamburger from a western New York chain of drive-in-style restaurants and plan to use the name for their new eatery.

Tom Wahl's burger chain serves a cheeseburger called the Wahlburger, and the restaurant wisely owns the federal trademark rights to the Wahlburger name, perhaps envisioning a time when the Wahlberg brothers would want to own a burger joint (might there also be a "Boogie Nights" footlong sausage?).

Make that Wahl owned the name.

Now the Wahlbergs own it, and just like with the best burgers, all it took was a little grease.

- Daily News wire services

contributed to this report.