DEAR ABBY: My husband's son — I'll call him Duncan — came to visit with his family. He lived with us for about six months on and off when he was younger. During that time, he twice went through my dresser drawers without my permission. The first time, we discovered a photo of me in a negligee he had found and hidden. The second time, he said he had been looking for a key. I was furious and felt violated.

During his recent visit, it happened a third time. When I told my husband, he asked me not to let it ruin the rest of their visit.

After Duncan and his family left, I asked my husband if this upset him, too, and his reply was that he was upset that I let it bother me. I'm hurt that he's taking Duncan's side. Help!

— Nervous in Nevada

DEAR NERVOUS: It does appear that Duncan has an unhealthy fixation on your underwear drawer, or he may be a cross-dresser.

Because your husband refuses to discuss this with his son, the next time Duncan announces that he's coming for a visit, offer to buy him lingerie in his size, or install a sturdy lock on your bedroom door.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I like to entertain in our home, and sometimes we offer self-service mixed nuts. What do you think of a guest who hovers over the bowl and picks out all the pecans and macadamias, leaving behind the peanuts and the almonds? Is she being rude?

— Tom R. in North Carolina

DEAR TOM R.: Sure it's rude. However, because you know that this person has a weakness for two particular kinds of nuts,Why not offer her a small bowl of her own containing only the nuts of her choice? n