Get started collecting your family stories

My mother liked to save time by roasting the Thanksgiving turkey a day in advance. She'd store the finished bird, stuffing and all, in an old refrigerator we kept in the basement.

One year the turkey slipped from her grasp. It twirled down the stairs, step by dusty step, and landed with a plop on the cement floor.

I was only about 8 years old at the time, but did I learn?

On another Thanksgiving 20 or more years later, the family was gathering at my brother's house and I offered to bring a pumpkin curry soup.

Taking a cue from Mom, I made the soup in advance and put the steaming crockpot on the floor of my car. The trip was so short. What could go wrong?

In the days that followed, the lingering scent of spilled soup in the car was autumnal, almost cozy.

But as the days turned to months, the stain grew. Scrub as I might, the smell became a stench that remained until the day I finally sold that car.

My point?

Thanksgiving is a great time to collect stories from the people you hold dear.

Everything and anything on the table is a prompt: Who made these sweet potatoes and where'd they get the recipe? Is that Grandma's gravy boat, and how did it survive the journey from Ireland?

Expect even more tales about what (and who) are not at the table this year: those plates your great-grandmother bought each week at the supermarket; the good silver that went to Aunt Agnes instead of Aunt Selma.

If cameras and camcorders are welcome guests at your family's gatherings, by all means use yours. If not, slip a tape recorder in your pocket.

But step lightly. Don't ambush or alienate anyone. This is probably not the moment to explore how Uncle Lenny became the family pariah. And for heaven's sake, don't tell them you're writing a book. That's enough to silence even the most ardent gossip.

Just use this opportunity to communicate that each person in the family has a story to tell and that you want to listen.

Plant the seed. Get a discussion going. See who responds and follow up with those individuals later.

- Dianna Marder