Steve and Mia: She's biting her tongue over oral sex

Q: I am a 50-year-old divorced woman and find this difficult to write, but I need an honest outside opinion. I have been dating a man for over three years. When we are together romantically he always asks me to please him orally, but he never returns the favor. I have not expressed my feelings because I do not want to hurt his feelings or scare him off because I do enjoy his company. I am interested in finding out if this type of sexual behavior is normal or am I being taken advantage of?

Steve: When it comes to sex, forget "normal." Researchers discovered long ago that sexual whims and tastes are as varied as snowflakes. What doesn't vary is generosity and mutual respect, necessary ingredients for good sex. If your partner cares for you, he will be interested in your pleasure as well as his own. Discuss things he does that you like and add some things that you'd like him to try. If he cares about you, he'll get the hint. If he doesn't, you need to find someone who does.

Mia: Yes, you are being taken advantage of. Your boyfriend sounds like a selfish pig. It's not OK that you're servicing him and not getting satisfied in return. Stop giving him oral sex. Let him know he has to either return some of the sexual favors he's been enjoying or fun time is over. He may twist things so that it seems like your one-sided sexual relationship is all your fault. If that happens, demote him to friend status.

Q: I am a stay-at-home mom. My husband is the breadwinner and controls all the money. We have a good marriage, but I feel like a kid having to ask him for money all the time. My children are 10 and 12.

Mia: Lucky you for getting to spend these years caring for your children, but you could be setting yourself up for a life of financial hardship. Have you ever stopped to think what would happen if your husband loses his job, becomes disabled or leaves you? Now that your children are older, consider going back to school or possibly working at least part time. Contribute some of that money to a household account that you share with your husband, but save a little for yourself.

Steve: You could suggest a joint checking account, so you don't have to ask every time. But Mia's suggestion is a good one. You could sock money away for a family vacation, which would make your family happy, and keep a bit for yourself so you don't have to feel like a beggar.