'Idol' thoughts

American Idol

so far: My own kids watch only sporadically. Most nights I'm sitting on the sofa by myself. That makes me dumber than a fifth grader. Shows are too long, boys too blah. Wondering if I can take one more week of Sanjaya. He's done a squishy Stevie and a creepy Michael. Can an appalling Lionel be far behind in this cringefest?

Why do so many contestants, with the notable exception of Antonella Barba in a good way and weirdly departed Leslie Hunt in a bad way, want to dress like they're PTA moms and salesman dads in the '50s? At least Lakisha kept it real in a jean skirt, never mind what Simon said about those gams.

Listen, we were on board with Barba from the start because she is soooo pretty and a Jersey girl and from a beach town and gives shout-outs to beloved brother Vincenzo and sings way better than she has shown. My girls seem to accept my advice that Google-imaging Barba at this moment in time would probably not be a good idea. They are intrigued by the idea of someone's taking a picture of herself on the toilet and vow never to post same on their MySpace pages. Good take-home lesson!

Our girl survived the first American Idol Google-fest scandal of 2007, an American Beauty-esque rose-petaled shot of her body being the most interesting, assuming the dirtier ones were in fact faked. Still, on the show, she looked unfazed by it all, dressed for the kill in a Crocodile Hunter safari shirt on results day last week. And does it matter if her survival wasn't based on merit, entirely? Merit gets you only so far these days. Ask the booted Jeff Garcia. Maybe Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb can team up and be Idol judges; they seem to have that Jennifer Hudson-is-not-quite-what-we're-looking-for Idol mentality.

The truth is, Barba, architectural student on hiatus, is the real deal, at least in a Jersey sort of way, a Jersey girl who can't help but stir things up. In fact, she reminds us of nobody so much as Meadow Soprano, another fetchingly misunderstood Jersey television femme fatale, brainier than Barba, OK, but a girl also not nearly as trifling or nefarious as people want to believe. ("She's the least slutty person I know," Barba friend Amanda told Newark's Star-Ledger last week.)

No, Barba was not snatched from our grasp prematurely. We predict she'll be around for at least another couple of weeks. It will make up, at least a little, for the abrupt first-week booting of Philly girl Nicole Tranquillo, whose Idol sin was to sound "too urban" - though apparently it's OK for Blake Lewis to go with his beat-boxing rendition of Jamiroquai.

It will not at all make up for the loss to our city last week of another Mediterranean bombshell with some interesting topless photos and a penchant for dustups with rivals, Garcia girlfriend Carmella DeCesare. Go ahead, Google her. OK, we did it for you. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmella_DeCesare.

In any case, Idol . . . we thought the judges were deliberately puffing up the boys the second week to save face. We favor Chris Richardson in our house. Our tweener focus group of one wants to be called down from playing The Sims when he performs. But when will the contestants learn that playing to their grandparents is always a bad idea? Remember Bobby Bennett from last season, who sang Barry Manilow for his grandmom? And note to Alaina Alexander: Ticked-off Dixie Chicks = rough karaoke.

On the upside, there's curly-haired Chris Sligh, who has gone counterintuitive and ironic (song titles: "Typical" and "Trouble") and forced us to Google Mute Math and Ray LaMontagne. He is what passes for hipster on the show: a whiff of intelligence, a few cool songs, could possibly front an indie band, or at least front an indie blog.

Still, why do these contestants so want to turn into middle-aged crooners? Maybe because young people are no longer watching Idol, that's the dirty little secret. They are too busy answering phones with "Dirty Little Secret" as their ring tone.

Phil Stacey makes an excellent bald person. Nice smile. Seems to have worked through the fact that he missed the birth of his child. The girls are shaking out like the WNBA: The African American women are dominant, the Italians and everyone else riding the bench.

Shy Melinda Doolittle has the monster voice, but skews too Smooth Jazz for Idol tastes. Gina Glocksen we think could surprise; she's kind of cool, big voice, should go edgy like Simon says, lose the prom dress. We predict Blake and the two Chrises will go the distance for the boys, Sabrina, Gina and Lakisha for the girls, Jordin Sparks not far behind.

Sundance Head is, naturally, a head case, the vulnerable one, ready to crumble at any time, saying all the wrong things (hair spray in the troll beard?), but that's good. He's developing his Idol persona, never a bad idea. (See Antonella Barba, above.)

Predictions: Gone this week - girls, Haley Scarnato and, in an early shocker, Stephanie Edwards.

Boys, Brandon Rogers and Jared Cotter, whoever they are.

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