Ask Amy | 'Outraged' by wife's nude photos of herself

Dear Amy:

Please settle a raging controversy.

My wife and one of her friends have gorgeous figures. As a "surprise" for the husbands, they went to a photographer and had a bunch of nude photos made.

One husband is OK with this. I am outraged.

My wife says that it is her body and she can have it photographed if she wants to. She says she wants the photos so that when she is old, she'll remember how she looked when she was young.

My position is this: Her naked body is my territory! I do not like some strange man staring at her naked body, posing it in various provocative positions and then taking photos.

Am I really as old-fashioned and puritanical as she says? Is this acceptable for a married woman?

Dear Confused: You had me until that whole "Her naked body is my territory!" part.

Your wife's naked body might in fact be your exclusive territory, but it belongs to her. And having tasteful nude photos taken (I'm assuming that they are tasteful) is different from pole dancing at the Kit Kat Klub.

Things might have gone better if you had handled your outrage by saying, "Wow. This really upsets me. It embarrasses me, and I feel like it is a violation of your privacy and mine too. What were you thinking?"

My view is that this is an immature act by a woman who may have seen one too many episodes of Desperate Housewives. Though this was ostensibly a gift of sorts for you, your wife seems to have done this mainly for her own reasons. I can't predict exactly how these photos will strike her when she is older and wiser, but there is a good chance that they will depress her mightily, partly for the gigantic fuss they caused in your relationship.

I hope that you will try to talk to your wife about this in a new way, by asking questions, using neutral language and listening to her. She should hear you out as well, and because her choice makes you feel bad, she should apologize to you and put away these photos.