Steve and Mia | How to tell catty fatty she's all wet?

Q: My husband and I are in our 40s. We often socialize with another couple our age. In the summer we frequently have BBQs at our swimming pools. Due to the addition of stretch marks and cellulite, the other woman and I have stopped wearing bikinis. Now she wears one-piece suits with skirts and I wear a halter top with cutoff-jean shorts. My husband tells me I look sexy, but this woman frequently makes comments like "you must be uncomfortable wearing wet denim." What should I say to her the next time she says something?

Mia: First, I should probably note that whenever women make comments like this, it's usually out of insecurity. Still, if she won't shut up, that's not cool. I'd say something like: "I'd personally rather wear wet denim than a geriatric skirt." That should keep her quiet.

Steve: Since this woman "frequently" makes these sort of disparaging comments, you need to pull her aside and tell her it's spoiling your time together. Most people will hold their tongue after that. If she persists, however, firing back as Mia suggested, is appropriate. You have our permission to use the phrase "wrinkled old cow."

Q: I recently checked my wife's cell phone and found the number of an old friend of hers. I called him and he seemed to have intimate knowledge of some of the problems in our marriage. The next day, I noticed his number on our caller-I.D. box. When I questioned her about it we had a huge argument. Do you think she's cheating on me?

Mia: Maybe. Secret phone calls to male friends aren't a great sign. Neither is getting mad when you call her on it. Try to cool off and see if she'll sit down to talk about what's going on.

Steve: I'd call him and discuss his relationship with your wife and even suggest you get together socially so you can all be friends. If he seems uncomfortable talking about it and doesn't want to meet, you might be onto something.

Q: I'm recently engaged and would like to be married in the Catholic Church. My future wife is non-religious and is concerned about the marriage prep classes we have to take. She also doesn't understand why we can't get married outdoors, but have to do it inside the church. What should I do?

Steve: Explain to her that a Catholic Church wedding is in the church. Also, I hope you've discussed the religion question (i.e., will you take your kids to church?) before this. But tell her the pre-nup prep classes aren't religious coercion, so she has nothing to fear.

Mia: Ultimately your wedding should reflect both of you. Why don't you see if your fiancee could meet with your parish priest to talk about what a Catholic wedding entails? I'm pretty sure the prep is mostly just marriage counseling-type stuff. Also, for the actual wedding she would be able to have some control over readings and music and the like, which might make it easier for her to get on board.

Q: I couldn't believe you told that woman that it wasn't her fault that her boyfriend fell asleep during sex. How in the world is she not the problem? You should have told that woman she needs to hone her techniques and practice extra hard because she must be an amateur in bed.

Steve: Oh, you'd prefer a professional? That can be expensive. Telling a woman she's lousy in bed is not a smart way to make her a better lover. If I were a woman whose partner told me that, I'd practice extra hard - with someone else.

Mia: Most people are amateurs in bed. And both people need to work on their sexual problems together. But I am curious: Just what kinds of "techniques" do you think she should be practicing? *